Posted tagged ‘TP’

Conversations in the TP Lane

March 22, 2020

WORDS FROM W.W.                                                      March 22, 2020

                          

I was at King Soopers (our supermarket) today to pick up a Lowe’s gift card. The gift cards are located one lane over from the aisle where paper towels, facial tissues, and toilet paper reside. I wasn’t looking to go in that direction, but when I turned around to head to the checkout, I noticed a woman in one of the lines with a multi-pack of toilet paper on top of her other groceries.

TP!

Carol and I weren’t in desperate need yet, but…you know…a couple of beef stews and fried chicken dinners and our supply could be depleted quickly! TMI!

So my curious nature caused me to go and explore the possibilities. Two ladies were gathering up some Angel Soft 12 roll packs as I headed down the aisle toward them. One of the women looked at me and with surprise written across her face said, “Can you believe it? They have toilet paper?”

“Really!”

She sounded similar to one of the California 49er’s discovering gold, and she said to me in a commanding sort of way, “Get you some!”

Perhaps it had been all the Charmin ads that I’d been hearing during Spotify commercial breaks that caused me to pick up a pack with four rolls of that brand in it. My act of conservatism caught the attention of the other lady, and she spoke to me like I was cheating myself. “Oh, don’t just get that! Take one of those multi-packs!”

“Well, it’s only my wife and me.”

“Best to play it safe and have a few rolls ready, just in case!” The other lady nodded her head, seconding the motion.

I put the Charmin back and picked up a pack of the Angel Soft. Even with the name of the product indicating a divine direction, it didn’t feel as soft as the Charmin. In times of need, however, better to go quantity over quality. 

“We were shocked that they still had some on the shelves!” exclaimed the “teacher lady”.

“These are strange times, aren’t they?” I replied.

“They sure are.”

“I was just stopping by to get a Lowe’s gift card and I saw a lady in line with some TP. Kinda’ curious, so I thought I’d just check it out.”

“Betcha’ there wouldn’t be any left if you came here this afternoon,” said the second lady.

“Well, I can go home now and…” I stopped, realizing I was talking about the frequency of one of my bodily functions. The first lady finished the sentence for me.

“Not worry about running out?” she said. “You don’t have conversations like this in the chicken section of the store!”

“I guess not.”

“Or around the dairy products either,” added her friend. “People don’t get that shook up about an empty cheese case.”

“It’s amazing how anxious people have been about TP,” I added.

“Well,” the teacher said, “let’s hope everything comes out okay!” There was a moment of pondering over her words and then she added, “I didn’t mean it that way!”

The three of us smiled and headed for the checkout, clutching our treasures tightly. 

An Empty Donut Box and Styrofoam Cups

June 15, 2014

WORDS FROM W.W.                                                       June 14, 2014

 

                         

 

Most Saturday mornings I leave the house about 7:00 to lead a men’s Bible study group at church. Today was no different except…when I opened the garage door I discovered that I had been pranked.

It was a harmless prank, a trail of styrofoam cups leading up the driveway from the street and continuing all the way to the front door. Hansel and Gretel should have used styrofoam cups instead of bread crumbs. No chance of them being eaten.

On the first step by the front door the styrofoam cups ended right beside an empty donut box and milk carton.

I’m not sure what it all meant but it was creative. I never would have thought of pranking someone’s house with those three ingredients. In my day toilet paper was as creative and risky as we got.

My wife heard the “styrofoamers” about midnight and looked outside the window. They were hustling away and she was more tickled than upset. In fact, she left the cups and stuff for me to see the next morning. We’re pretty sure it was girls from my high school basketball team. The voices were suspiciously soprano-ed. I just wonder what happened to the donuts. You would think that they would have left one in the box, but no!

Over the years we’ve been pranked several times. One year some of our youth group “forked” our front yard. Plastic forks…about two hundred of them! Another year some of our youth “candy-caned” our yard. I was still finding candy canes four months later. A long, long time ago some of our youth group TP’ed our house and got caught in the act. They went ahead and came inside and we served them Pepsi’s. They left the unused rolls of TP for us to use.

About four years ago our youth group “sticky-noted” my office. They put sticky notes all over the place. I’m still finding them. I’ll get a book off one of my shelves, turn to page 121 and there will be a sticky note saying “Looking for something?”

I don’t mind the pranking, especially if we can use the pranking materials afterwards. Carol was cutting out the bottoms of the styrofoam cups to use for a Children’s Church craft tomorrow morning. We’re resourceful people!

What the pranksters don’t realize is that we have a secret resource. Our next door neighbor has surveillance cameras, one of which shows our front yard. I’ll be viewing film footage tomorrow…perhaps with a donut and glass of milk.

Say cheese!