Posted tagged ‘substitute teacher’

The Power of a Substitute With Skittles

September 3, 2016

WORDS FROM W.W.                                                          September 3, 2016

                               

My journey into the world of substitute teaching (“guest teaching”) wrote a new chapter this week when I subbed for a high school social studies teacher for three days. What an experience!

World History for the partially motivated…Advanced Placement (AP) U.S. History for the more motivated, or, for some, more stressed…and a classroom full of freshmen for Foundations of Learning, a sophisticated academic way of saying “study hall!”

The school I subbed in, two blocks from our house, operates on a “block system”, which means the classes are ninety minutes long and meet every other day.

The Foundations of Learning Class was the first class I had my first day. It consisted of freshmen who want to study, freshmen who pretend to study, and freshmen who could care less about studying. The conversation was continuous, but I let it go. I had brought a book with me, Valiant Ambition by Nathaniel Philbrick, but I found it hard to concentrate on the words. Back in my seminary days I would have to read some of the pages of theological writings out loud to hep me try to stay focused. I needed that as in the midst of the classroom conversations. When I read I either have ear buds in listening to music or I like it quiet. Being the teacher, it seemed that ear buds might be a bit risky.

Two days later I began the day once again with that study hall. I pondered how the ninety minutes of torture might go better. What might I do to change the culture of the classroom?

And then it hit me! Skittles! I emptied my piggy bank and bought a bag of Skittles for each of the students in the class. Yes, it set me back $10 of my already minimal guest teaching pay, but what an experience!

The class began with the regular suspects present. I took attendance and then showed the class the book I was reading, went into a brief excited explanation about how much I enjoyed reading history, but then explained how I either needed ear buds or quiet to comprehend what the pages were saying to me.

“I would really love to get twenty pages in my book read during class this morning, and, you know something, if I get twenty pages read I will be in celebration mode. I will be so happy…so, so happy that I think I’d like to give each of you a gift of celebration. So if you can help me concentrate and get twenty pages read…I want to give each of you a bag of Skittles at the end of class.”

Shock! Dismay! Confusion! Delight! Wondering if they heard me right! Open mouths of temporary astonishment!

“But, mind you, I can’t concentrate in the midst of a lot of noise, so you’ll have to help me out here.”

They dug in, but I noticed a few of them were looking at me to make sure that I was starting to read. I had instantly created the Skittles Security Guard , making sure I was on task with what I was suppose to be doing.

A few minutes later, a teacher at the school, and a friend of mine, stopped by to speak with one of the students, but when he saw that I was there we got into a conversation about basketball, his sons, and coaching. Talk about eyes of consternation being upon me. When our conversation had hit five minutes one of the students reminded me that I should be reading. I felt chastised and my teaching friend felt chased.

Back to the reading. Every few minutes someone would come by the desk and ask me how many pages I still had left to read? I was now the student in a room with twenty teachers.

At the end of class the Skittles became a reality for each one of them. Perhaps they were all sugared up for their next class, but in the process I hoped they discovered that Foundations of Learning could be ninety minutes of study and discovery on a regular basis.

The power of Skittles, a new tool for educating young minds!

Guest Teacher Orientation

August 10, 2016

WORDS FROM W.W.                                                            August 10, 2016

                                

I took my seat on the left side of the long conference table. Ten of us looked expectantly towards the front of the conference room. The presenter was getting his materials organized and about to start.

I was about to get oriented! I was about to find out how to be a guest teacher. Let me emphasize GUEST TEACHER! Not substitute teacher! Somewhere over the last forty years somebody decided that the term “substitute teacher” was like attaching a sticky note to the back of a person’s shirt with the words “Kick Me!” written on it in large bold letters.

Time to confess! I remember the number of times I took advantage of whoever it was that was substitute teaching in my classroom. I remember asking Ms. Roth, who also happened to be a member of the my church, if I could go to the restroom. I feigned illness from eating lunch in the cafeteria that day…a logical conclusion! She gave me permission as I grimaced in front of her, and then I went down to the gym and shot basketball for the rest of the class period. Now… she would probably not remember that, but I do!

Perhaps my transgressions were part of the soil that produced a new name growing out of it, the name “Guest Teacher!”

The orientation began. The presenter stressed a couple of points to help us survive…or that is, be successful! One was “Use your common sense!”  He gave us several examples of what BAD guest teachers have done! At the end of it all of us had the same thought: What were they thinking? Perhaps being around middle school students rubs off on the substitute…er, guest teacher, and they start doing stupid things that result in them getting called in to talk to the school administrators.

I started to make a mental list of all the things I couldn’t bring with me to school: handcuffs, a pocket knife attached to my car keys, peanut products, Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, words with too many syllables, taser gun, transistor radio, pillow, iPad, sense of humor, bull whip, duct tape, and all political commentary. If I left all those things at home my chances of being a successful guest teacher would be greatly increased. The storyline of guest teaching has been littered with examples of people who “did stupid”, were asked not to come back again, and now are making more money working on a fast-food drive-thru lane.

But then came the second point of the orientation to realize. That students will try to take advantage of guest teachers! Wait a minute! That’s how it was back in 1972 at Ironton High School, in Ironton, Ohio! That means…that means…that nothing has really changed! Well, one thing has…the title. because I am a “Guest Teacher!” Hear me roar!

We were brought back to the reality of the situation; that students are by nature the same as they were back in the day…that they will try to get away with whatever they can!

This is where leaving my sense of humor at home becomes important, for I will look at them like a drill sergeant facing his green recruits and with no expression say “I don’t think so!” It’s also where it is important that I have left my taser gun at home, because I would be tempted to use it a few times.

So now I am ready for battle…I mean, to teach! I’m ready to impart my pearls of wisdom to a new generation of young learners. I’m ready to experience the new chef creations of school cafeterias, students ready and eager to learn, the latest adolescent language terms. and spending the whole day in the gym!

I am oriented! I am a Guest Teacher!

A Substitute Teacher’s Notes To Self

May 18, 2016

WORDS FROM W.W.                                                           May 18, 2016

                              “A Substitute Teacher’s Notes to Self”

April 20

        Assignment: 1st Grade

Today I learned that first grade boys have bad balance. Most of them fell out of their chairs sometime, or several times, during the day. Girls, on the other hand, are well-balanced and make good ballerinas. Not a single girl fell out of her chair.

April 22

        Assignment: Kindergarten

       If the snack crumbles it will end up on the floor. Cheese crackers and tortilla chips are destined for the carpet. On the other hand, grapes, celery, and raisins seem to be able to stay glued to the desks they are on.

April 25

        Assignment: 5th Grade

Fifth graders are into nicknames. My class had an assortment of nicknames, and characters…Taco Bell, Beaner, Hot Dog, Squeezie, Ant Man, and The Whiz…it seemed that everyone had an extra label of distinction.

April 27

        Assignment: Junior High Physical Education

Note to future self! When the teacher joins in on the games of dodgeball, especially the substitute teacher, he becomes the target! Nothing gives junior high boys more pleasure than lawfully pelting the sub! Stopped on the way home at the optometrist to get my glasses repaired!

April 29

       Assignment: 3rd Grade

         Give third graders the possibility of extra recess and they will follow you anywhere.

May 3

      Assignment: 1st Grade

Met my match! He…no names please…was the first student I ever sent to the office…and he was also the second person I ever sent to the office. He was unfazed by either visit, and, I found out later, that the office was on a first name basis with him. They had considered giving him his own room there.

May 6

     Assignment: High School Study Hall Monitor

The best!!! Four hours of reading in a room of students who all want to study…and getting paid for it!

May 9

     Assignment: Third Grade

       Third graders are completely amused by farting sounds! There always seems to be one boy who wants attention, either by farting or falling out of his chair like a Hollywood stunt man.

    May 11

      Assignment: 7th Grade Geography

Identify right away the student who has discovered his gift for being a royal pain in the butt! Keep your eye on him, because he has spent more time preparing to be a distraction than he has on doing his homework.

May 12

      Assignment: Latin

Never ever ever take a sub job teaching a foreign language that you can not speak. The students will be saying things about you in THAT foreign language that they would never say in English.

I Taught Kindergarten Today!

May 2, 2016

WORDS FROM W.W.                                                         May 2, 2016

                           

(To be read as if you are a kindergartener.)

I went to Kindergarten class today!

I am now writing this blog with short sent..en..ces.

The boys and girls were very loud. My head is now hurting.

The seats were very slippery. Boys kept falling out of their seats.

We went outside for recess. It was very short. I did not want to go back inside. I learned how to play a new game. No one told me the rules. I played anyway. It was fun. The boys and girls were happy I played with them.

The boys and girls had a snack time. I helped open many snack wrap..pers. I did not have a snack. No one shared with me. I was sad. No one cared.

The boys and girls read to me. Each of them read the same story. The story was about leopards. I now do not want to hear about leopards ever again!

One boy thought he was cute. He was not.

One boy thought he was smart. He was, but I pretended not to notice. I will notice when he goes to Harvard.

We had math class. The boys and girls count on their fingers. It was cute. They were quiet during math. I think math should be for the whole day.

I said the day of the week. They laughed. I say “Monday” like “Mondee.” They asked me to say it again. I did. They laughed again. I will not be back on Tuesdee!

They went to art class. Art class is great. It is 45 minutes long. I did not have to go. I got to stay in the classroom and practice saying “Monday.”

It was time to go home. Home is a good word. They put their coats on. Some of them were very slow. I could tell they did not want to leave. I wanted them to leave. Some of them hugged me. The boy who thought he was cute called me a wolf. I was happy he was going home.

I went home. I was happy that Mondee morning was over. I am going to eat yogurt now and watch Kindergarten Cop. I will laugh at Arnold and how he says “tumor!”

Lessons I’ve Learned From a Week of Substitute Teaching

April 30, 2016

WORDS FROM W.W.                                                             APRIL 30, 2016

             

It is April 30! That means there are a lot of school teachers who have reached the teaching equivalent of the Boston Marathon’s “Heartbreak Hill”, a torturous climb at of about a half-mile between miles 20 and 21 of the race. A lot of teachers are “looking at the hill” right now and wondering if they can make it.

Thus, the number of calls to substitute teach have increased substantially! This week I spent two days with first graders, one day in junior high physical education, and one day in a high school strength and conditioning class. I could write a book…or at least a blog…on what I’ve learned, good and bad. Here’s a few:

1) First grade girls think having man for a substitute is like having one of the Disney characters visit the class. Although I resembled Goofy, they thought it was awesome!

2) When you play dodgeball with a class of 7th and 8th graders you become the target! I visited my optometrist after school to get my glasses readjusted as a result of getting hit…several times!

3) Being the substitute teacher in a strength and conditioning class is the equivalent of being a lame-duck elected official. They know your time is short so they just wait you out. (Personal note: Never ever ever sub for this class again! Lame!)

4) In junior high physical education the boy who says he can’t participate because of an injury…is the student to keep your eye on! Who brings suckers to PE class to pass out to those playing dodgeball?

5) In first grade there are “helpers” who will always willingly come to your rescue. You just have to keep an eye on two helpers who are both pushing on one another in order to be the first one to come to your rescue.

6) Being educated in the 60’s and 70’s means that there will always be concepts and terms used in today’s classroom that you will be totally clueless about!

7) First grade PE is the classroom teacher’s best friend!

8) Strength and conditioning class is a microcosm of today’s work force. There are those who will do as much as they can…and there are those who will do as little as possible…and those who will look busy when the boss looks their way.

9) First grade girls already have their eyes on who “the boys” are! They are already in pre-relationship mode! On the other hand, the boys are totally clueless. They are willing to show interest in the girls, but only after the soccer ball has become totally deflated and there is nothing else to do.

10) Dismissal at the end of a first grade day begins with a high five from the teacher as each student is leaving the classroom.

11) Each junior high PE class has at least one student who took a double dose of “obnoxious medicine” that morning.

12) I eat healthier when I substitute teach. Instead of being coerced by my granddaughter to go out to lunch at Chick-fil-a, I sit in my classroom eating raw vegetables.

13) At the end of the day first grade students are almost sad to leave you, junior high students will willingly trample over you if you don’t move, and high school students are focused on their cell phones as they walk obliviously towards the chaotic parking lot.

14) BUT when the substitute teacher leaves at the end of the day…he has no papers to take home to grade! Awesome!