Posted tagged ‘personal agendas’

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The Few Seconds Visitor

March 28, 2018

WORDS FROM W.W.                                                    March 28, 2018

                                     

I had lunch last week with a friend of mine who needed to vent some…and laugh! He had just spent the previous thirty minutes with someone who had stopped by his office and asked the question:

“Got a few seconds?”

Being someone who is responsible for a workload that is enough for two people, as well as being a nice guy, he said yes. The few seconds extended past a few minutes and into one long rant. It took a few minutes to bring him back down to the humor involved in just being human, but a long lunch later he was ready to return to work.

I remember those days of having an unscheduled visitor stop by the church office and, with a smile on his/her face, ask me that question. One man who was a representative of a mission organization would cause me to grind my teeth as I struggled with the spiritual dilemma fueled by my deeply-rooted Baptist guilt of telling him I was unavailable. That internal wrestling match had come as a result of several experiences with this man of God, and several of those “Got a few seconds” pop-ins!

People who ask for a few seconds usually have no concept of time. In their minds time is infinite. A few seconds could mean a decade in the vastness of time.

In my 36 years of pastoring the only productive meetings I had with someone who asked me if I had a few seconds was when another staff person approached me. Since we were working in the same building it meant that there was something vitally important for me to hear. Otherwise, the person who would stop by, like I was a Starbucks coffee stop, would produce anger, frustration, and cost me a half-day. The half-day cost would be because of how difficult it would be to shift my mind back to one of the other tasks I had to get accomplished that day. After the unannounced visitor left I was still dealing with the frustration of what had just been talked about.

If it was the week leading up to Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and Easter Sunday I could expect someone to grab my ear for a while. It, of course, was “something that just couldn’t wait!”

“The Few Seconds Visitor” was usually a single-issue person, thinking that the whole church was also disgruntled about the same thing. He/She often saw himself/herself as being the mouthpiece for a larger contingent, like an elected senator speaking for the voters.

In ministry the pop-in person usually has an issue that could and should be handled by a committee or staff person, but the visitor doesn’t like how the team or staff person is handling it. Forget about process and rules of procedure! If he can bend the ear of the pastor/director/principal/administrator for a while to get his way then so be it!

If Jesus had been stopped by someone who wanted just a few seconds of his time he would have said “Get behind me, Satan!”, or perhaps he would have performed an exorcism of the one-issue demon the person was afflicted with.

Let me get to wisdom! The wise person is one who identifies the few people who he trusts, and who, when asked, tell him the truth and advise him on the decisions to be made. The wise person is the one who seeks to receive “a few seconds” of thoughts from people such as that. The wise person knows he needs those trusted few who he can filter situations, assumptions, ideas, and perceptions through. He needs those few people who can lead him to the right decision through clarifying questions.

My youngest daughter would often come to me with a request of something she wanted me to buy her. As she reached her high school years, when her requests seemed to grow in the size of their price tags, I would ask her the question, “Is this a want or a need?” She hated that question because it put things into perspective.

The person who wants just a few seconds of your time is usually someone who has a want not a need. The healthy organization, and effective leader, is one that is able to separate personal wants from organizational needs, personal agendas from organizational priorities, and personal rants from absolute truth.

Thanks for taking a few seconds to read this!

Categories: Bible, Christianity, coaching, Community, Faith, Freedom, Grace, Humor, Jesus, Parenting, Pastor, Story, Teamwork, The Church, Uncategorized, Youth
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Incivility In the Church

February 22, 2013

WORDS FROM W.W.                                                                February 22, 2013

 

My good friend, Tom Bayes, responded to my blog posting about having a passion for good sportsmanship by pointing me to an article written by Dr. Charles Chandler about the rise in “incivility.” His article points at an epidemic of incivility towards ministers. At first glance I was wondering about the connections between good sportsmanship and the treatment of pastors, and then I got it!

You see, a lack of sportsmanship, especially among adults, is linked to this idea of entitlement. A grown man in the bleachers believes he is entitled to say anything and act any way he wants because he has bought a ticket. He blurs “freedom of speech” with the verbal abuse of others.

In Chandler’s article he refers to Dr. G. Lloyd Rediger, author of Clergy Killers, who gives four reasons for the epidemic of incivility in the church. They are very revealing.

First of all, Rediger says that the church now mirrors society rather than leading it. A society  that has become increasingly polarized and unwilling to respect the opinions on each side is spilling over into the church. Now a congregation that includes people with differing music tastes more often than not has heated differences over such things as organs, drums, hymnals, projected words on a screen, and volume level. Incivility filters into a congregation as comfort zones are squeezed, no matter whether it is about such things as “is it okay to bring coffee into the sanctuary” to “what to do about a crying infant in worship” to “a change in the time of the worship service.” My comfort zone is different than the next person’s, and the next person’s different from the person behind him…which leads to the second reason for incivility.

Rediger says that America was once viewed as a “land of opportunity.” Now it tends to be a land filled with people who feel entitled. Comfort levels are viewed as sacred, and thus demanded. Rediger says that some people who aren’t as comfortable as they have been in the church become even vengeful. As entitlement becomes part of the environment, grace gets shoved out the door. Forgiveness goes shortly after since it is linked with grace. Entitled congregants often begin staking out their areas, or programs, or hot button issues and construct “invisible fences” with “No Trespassing” indicators.

The church, which has its roots in personal transformation and discipleship, instead becomes more like a Walmart at 5 a.m. on Black Friday!

The third reason mentioned is that the church too often has adopted the business model for operating instead of a mission model. A sense of mission gets replaced with an atmosphere of management. The pastor presides over the weekly schedule of meetings instead of leading the congregation in the celebration of communion. “Administrate” becomes the buzz word instead of “sacred”. Operations becomes more of the focus instead of mission.

And finally, the fourth reason for the rise in incivility is the loss of respect for the role of the minister. The expectation of pleasing people becomes more important then being their spiritual leader and mentor. I wrestle with this one. Whereas the congregation I pastor treats me with respect, I sometimes wonder if the length of my pastorate has a tendency, so to speak, to make me part of the furniture. Coming up on 14 years this summer I have that uneasiness within me that I am sometimes more honored and respected than heard. Such inner feelings are linked to something written a number of years ago by Loren Mead about the most effective years of a pastorate being between years five and nine. After that, he wrote, the pastor’s ability to lead significant change diminishes. He wrote that about twenty-five years ago. In our culture I’m not sure if it is still true. Because of rapid change it could be that the most effective years are now between three and five.

Bottom line, the Body of Christ, that has its roots in hope, peace, faith, forgiveness, and love, must take a look in the mirror and wash the anger, selfishness, and apathy off.

Categories: Christianity, Community, Faith, Freedom, Grace, Jesus, love, Pastor, Story, Teamwork, The Church, Uncategorized
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