Posted tagged ‘Hamburger Helper’

App Ignorant

April 14, 2018

WORDS FROM W.W.                                                   April 14, 2018

                                   

Whenever I think I’m smart and need to have my intelligence altitude lowered to C-level  I just go to the supermarket and try to figure out how to use the “digital coupons!”

Last week Tide detergent pods were on sale, plus there was a digital coupon that you could use (If you were more intelligent)! I brought the container to the checkout lane, and confessed to the cashier, like the wayward penitent sinner that I am, that I was not “app-savvy!”market

She looked at me and started asking me questions that were a technological foreign language. To my mind they sounded something like this:

“Did you download the app and wash behind your ears with body wash, and then put some butter on your toast as it lay on the sidewalk while offering to sacrifice your first-born and waiting for the postal carrier to bring your new magazine by?”

“Huh?”

She gave me a momentary annoyed expression, because there was now two other people behind me in line- the line I had chosen because there was no one behind me and I thought I could receive a hint of grace from her!

Remember when you were raising your kids who had just learned how to tie their shoes? Remember the time when you were in a rush and they were taking a month to tie the knots so you just finally reached down in a huff and tied them so you could get out of the house before the rapture?

Well, that’s kind of what the cashier did! She just finally gave up and punched in some kind of secret code that she learned in the cashier’s secret society and gave me the extra two dollars off. I was melting away as I stood there, feeling the stares of the two people behind me and the scorn of “Ms. IBM” behind the counter!

I bet she would also be clueless…back in the day…if she had to bring a goat to the market to trade for flour, beans, and potatoes!

A friend of mine told me about a similar experience using the digital coupons at a different store where he was made to feel like one of the indentured servants of the business. There was some kind of glitch with the app that he had and after going through an employee who looked at him like he was a wandering vagabond he encountered a manager who said something like, “You know…this is a privilege to have this. Not everyone gets it. You understand that, don’t you?”

Memories of standing before the elementary school principal occurred!

Not all of us have been able to figure out digital coupons or, for that matter, anything that begins with the letters “a-p-p”, except “appricot”, “appalled”, and “apple”…scratch Apple!

We are from the slower generation that were amazed when adding machines came along. We watched episodes of “Lassie” where they had to ring up Jenny, the Calverton telephone operator, to call the neighbor down the road.

So now we of the slower generation are weighing whether it’s worth the embarrassment to save that fifty cents on Hamburger Helper by presenting our cell phone to the store cashier. It’s the equivalent of walking into church with your pants unzipped…which I’ve also done!

Sometimes I Just Have to Tell Myself

November 30, 2015

WORDS FROM W.W.                                                           November 30, 2015

                                   

People don’t always act properly or respond reasonably. It makes me wonder what is behind their rude behavior and insensitive treatment.

And so when I encounter someone who seems to give off an aura that the world revolves around him/her I now try to slow down and begin a sentence with the following words: Sometimes I just have to tell myself…

It sounds like this!

Sometimes I just have to tell myself…

   …that when a new checkout person at Target comes to our life that is five deep, says “I can take the next person in line”, and the last person in line rushes over to her he obviously has a wife in labor at the hospital and needs to get his deodorant bought, his Hamburger Helper home, and his orange juice chilled.

    …that Peter Fonda, who is weaving in and out of traffic on his Harley at eighty is really a surgeon on the way to the hospital to do a heart transplant…or to deliver the baby of Example Person #1!

    …that the lady who is walking smack dab down the middle of the grocery aisle with no hint of moving to the right has macular degeneration and can’t see me…or the grandchild that is with me!

    …that the multitude of video games whose objective is to have the gamer kill people, zombies, monsters, or aliens has no relation to the increasing number of shooting deaths that seem to be everyday occurrences now.

    …that my cell phone bill is just an illusion, not the reality.

    …that Trump didn’t really just say that, did he?

    …that God must get amused from time to time when he sees what various churched people believe is important…and of no importance. 

    …that the message isn’t the sermon. 

    …that the guy spouting “f-bombs” probably went to a high school that didn’t offer Public Speaking as a class he could take. 

    …that its okay to go to a movie because you have a yearning for popcorn.

    …that grandkids are God’s reward to you for living through the adolescent years of your own kids. 

    …that God loves me despite my stupidity!