Posted tagged ‘embarrassment’

Just Call Me ‘Mr. Zippy’!

August 25, 2018

WORDS FROM W.W.                                                           August 25, 2018

                                  

I was standing in front of the classroom of thirty-five 7th Grade students. It was the second class period of my day, having already traversed through the treacherous path of Period 1!

I partially sat down on the table in front of the classroom to begin taking attendance. I looked down at my long attendance sheet of names and noticed something else.

I was unzipped! Not just a little bit, or with partial coverage, but as wide open as a Montana range! 

When the revelation of such a moment becomes known to a person several questions immediately follow: How long have I been this way? Who noticed? Who noticed, didn’t say anything to me, but is now saturating the school with the news? What do I do now?

The “what do I do now” question was easy to answer. I casually covered the front with the attendance sheet and tried to look like I was searching for someone as I made my way to the back of the classroom. Thankfully my classroom that day was located in one of the “portables” outside the school building. There are restrooms in the middle between the two classrooms. I headed for one of them and executed a quick zip!

I don’t know if anyone in that class had seen my underlying underwear, but I still turned a shade of sunburn red for a few moments. 

It’s funny! I can recall three times in my lifetime when I was inconveniently unzipped. Well, anytime would be inconvenient, but three times it has occurred at the most inconvenient moments possible!

Friday was the third!

The first time it happened was a number of years ago when I was pastoring the First Baptist Church in Mason, Michigan. We hosted the annual meeting of the American Baptist Churches in our area. Representatives from about forty congregations gathered in our sanctuary. I walked to the front of the sanctuary to welcome all of the guests and to say the opening prayer. I stood on the front platform- with no pulpit to shield me, mind you- and gave words of greeting to those in the crowded sanctuary. When I finished I walked down the center aisle to the back. 

And when I reached the foyer I noticed that I had, evidently, been flashing the congregation the whole time! In front of our Executive Minister, my Area Minister, others who had smiles on their faces, and a few stone-faced folk who had starched their shirt collars too much!

That event happened almost thirty years ago and I can still replay it in the nightmares of my slumber. Most of the time I’m now able to chuckle as I think about it.

The other time when, so to speak, I “opened up” to people happened in the Colorado Springs airport. I had gone to pick up my friend, Artie Powers. It was back in the days when someone picking up a passenger could still meet him at the gate. I walked down the terminal to where Artie’s plane would arrive. I noticed several women smiling at me as I strolled at a leisurely pace down the corridor. 

“I must be looking pretty good today!” I thought to myself. I met Artie and as we walked back through the terminal together he said to me in his distinctive West Virginian accent, “All the cows are out to pasture!”

“Huh?”

“You’re unzipped!”

It was at that moment that I realized that the smiling women weren’t entranced by my good looks. They were humored by my cluelessness!

They say things come in threes. Well, I’m hoping that’s true! I’m considering the idea of simply wearing sweat pants with a draw string in front and no zipper…but then I’d probably have a rip in the back that would just end up revealing my Hanes from the rear! 

Fleeing The Embarrassment

August 4, 2016

WORDS FROM W.W.                                                               August 4, 2016

                                  

Yesterday I was at a stoplight waiting to turn right onto a six lane road in our area. The green arrow to turn left was lit for the vehicles coming towards me. I waited for four cars to make the turn, and then the green light appeared for me. I did not see the young lady who was beginning to cross the street. She noticed that I was beginning to turn and hesitated out of nervousness. I should have just stopped at that point, but, instead, I swung wide around her to the far lane and proceeded.

My thought at that moment was some guilt and shame at causing her a moment of questioning her safety, and my embarrassment at seeming to be in a rush to go…nowhere!

But then I noticed the car that had been behind me in the turn lane correctly pausing to allow the young lady to cross in the crosswalk before proceeding in the same direction I was going.

My thought at that moment was “He/She saw what I just did, and if that person catches up to me at the next red light they are going to give me “the look”, yell at me, and tell me that I’m going to Hell.”

I speeded up to get away from the pursuer!

Isn’t it interesting in our world where everything seems to get filmed by cell phones how we worry about those we fret are watching us?

Kind of like belching in a vacant area of a store and then looking around with embarrassment to see if anyone heard it!

What is it about that moment? The fear of being discovered to be a lawbreaker, the anxiety of being seen as doing something our mom would have scolded us for in our growing up years? What causes us to look in our rearview mirror to see if we got away with it?

The car that was “pursuing me”, actually turned right at the very next block. I experienced instant relief, like a get-away vehicle from a bank robbery.

Why?

Like David and his reaction about the after-effects of his Bathsheba rendezvous, I like to think that I get away with things that would cause me embarrassment. It is how I am wired. In fact, I think it’s how most of us are wired. In a world where the gray area is growing like the creature in the 1958 film The Blob, I believe we’re still fairly clear on what is right and what is wrong.

Some of us just like to think we’re getting away with things! Fleeing the embarrassment is the certainty of my imperfections, the signature on my humanness.