Posted tagged ‘church humor’

Things You Will Never See on a Baptist Church Sign

March 20, 2013

WORDS FROM W.W.                                                                    March 20, 2013

A pastor’s group that I’m a part of (called Together in Ministry) includes some people who like to laugh and say things that we would never say on a Sunday morning. In fact, a lot of my blog post ideas come from this group. They help me create!

After my first mug of coffee this morning I got to thinking (finally) about some things to put on our church sign. I look for witty and short sayings that might catch some motorist’s eye without causing an accident. As I thought about some things to put on the sign my mind started thinking about how that topic might just played out in my TIM group, but not with sayings that WOULD appear on a sign, but rather with some things that will probably never, ever, ever  be seen on the sign of a Baptist church. For some of them…I am tempted! We are told, however, to withstand temptations…and also avoid being fired!

Here’s some list:


BYOB Communion Sunday this week!”

All are welcome…but especially those with deep pockets!”

Bingo this Saturday night- $1,000 jackpot guaranteed!”

This Sunday! Big donuts and a little sermon!”

Our restrooms are clean!”

Make sure you wipe your feet!”

Free Coffee, but it’s cheap!”

Baptism this Sunday! Dunk Tank available afterwards!”

Our music is slower than Lawrence Welk!”

Looking for a friendly church? Sorry!”

Our pastor rocks! Sometimes he even reclines!”

We love everyone…especially if they are like us!”

We’re a progressive church! We loved the 50’s, but we live in the 70’s!”

2-for-1 Sunday. Come to one service, get the second service free!”

Our kids are out of control, but our young people are just out!”

Jesus loves you! We’re still making up our minds!”

The world is full of problems. That’s why we keep our church doors locked!”

We believe in the Bible, especially the parts that don’t convict us.”

Free Guilt served here! No questions asked!”

Don’t come in here looking like that!”

Pastor on vacation! Party this Sunday!


Sometimes it seems my mind is more focused on what I can’t say than what I can.