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Fear or Faith-Based Ministry

November 22, 2013

WORDS FROM W.W.                                                      November 21, 2013

 

 

    In the group of pastoral colleagues that I meet with for a half-day each month I am always made to think by observations, personal statements, as well as humorous statements. Yesterday was our gathering for November and one of my dear colleagues, Mike Oldham, made a statement about ministries- both pastoral and congregational- that are fear-based, others that are fame-based, and a smaller percentage that are faith-based.

Although it was Mike’s thought it go me thinking about it more as the day went along.  “Fear-based ministry” develops out of a mindset of loss, perhaps even resigned to defeat. It is the church that operates out of a fear of losing people. In the marketplace it reminds me of businesses in communities where Walmart has announced they are coming to town. Over the past couple of decades there has been a number of businesses who just automatically throw in the towel over that developing situation. It’s resigned defeat. Many churches have a similar mindset. The basis for ministry originates out of a fear that people will leave and go somewhere else. In this time it seems that the church is having an identity crisis. We’re often not sure who we are, or what we’re about. The result is that we are often fearful of what we might become.

Pastors fear that being truthful will alienate them from their congregations. Alienate is a nice word for “getting fired.”

Congregations fear that they will grow older and not have younger generations to keep the ministry of the church alive. Sometimes they hire a youth pastor because they think that will solve the problem. Hiring a youth pastor does not solve the problem of fearing the loss of younger people.

A few congregations fear the loss of their pastor. (I stress “few!”) If the pastor leaves for another church, or gets disgusted with the people of the church who don’t bow to him, the congregation is afraid that the “pastor void” will cause chaos. Better to have a pastor who orders people around than not have a pastor that result in disorder. Bottom line! There are a few pastors who might be named Rev. Donald Trump!

Some congregations fear progress! It throws the whole familiar system out of whack. Better to keep things steady and the same than to change. Change creates fear. The motto of such a church is simple: “Fear change!”

It is hard, but so scriptural, for the church to be faith-based. Faith is feared many times. Even though Jesus mentions having faith…a whole lot…we fear it. Stepping out in faith is putting yourself out there. Most of us don’t like to put ourselves out there. We like to stay put.

The faith-based church does not mean it is huge in size. Being faith-based, in fact, has nothing to do with size. Size sometimes suffocates faith that otherwise would emerge. Faith-based is a little too fluid for most people. I mean, what will people think if we follow the leading of the Spirit half-way through a budget year and initiate a new ministry to the poor and disenfranchised?

Let’s be honest! We talk about faith, but we live by fear. It took faith for the Hebrew people to step into the mud path of the Red Sea, but it was fear that made them long for the glory days of slavery back in Egypt. It took faith for Peter to step out of the boat, but fear brought him back to his senses about the laws of nature.

It’s a constant struggle for the people of God to live by faith. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s easy. The bottle of snake oil would be right behind their back.

Each day I seek to be faithful…and each day I fall short.

But thanks be to God, he hasn’t given up on me yet!

Categories: Bible, Christianity, Faith, Holy Spirit, Jesus, Pastor, Prayer, Story, The Church, Uncategorized
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Getting Through It

November 14, 2013

WORDS FROM W.W.                                                    November 14, 2013

 

 

      I’ve discovered that life is filled with “getting through it” moments! People talk about getting through it in a variety of ways. Getting through final exams week…getting through potty-training…getting through the coming month of work overload…the list is endless!

There is a danger for people to go through life “getting through it.” Life is rarely enjoyable and productive when it is saturated with just trying to get past things. Sometimes it is necessary, like when someone is going through a divorce and he is just trying to get to the next day.

As a pastor I’ve had those times where you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. You don’t want to get out of bed in the morning. You start memorizing verses from the book of Ecclesiastes. There is no joy in Mudville…and you’re the pastor…the one who is suppose to always have a happy face on.

You just want to get through it!

My toughest time in 34+ years as a pastor were the summer months before my oldest daughter got married. The church was in turmoil, people were jumping ship like it was the American Baptist Titanic, the “joy” of a pastor had changed one letter to the “job” of a pastor. Each Sunday I was just trying to get through it.

And I did…with the help of some great friends who stood alongside me and kept me propped up.

So…life does have the “getting through it” moments, but life is meant to be more than that.

And so you ask someone how their week is going and they respond “Just tryoing to get through it.” Wednesday is viewed as a time of achievement point because a person is over the hump in regards to the work week. That doesn’t really apply to pastors. I’m not sure what “hump day” is!

Following Jesus was always meant to be about green pastures and quiet waters as much as it is to be about perseverance and turning the other cheek.

And, as I led off with, there will always be “getting though it” events in our lives. Ask a student what his favorite thing about fifth grade is and he may very well answer “Getting through it!” What comes after fifth grade? Summer vacation. Ask a high school student what their favorite thing about biology is and you will rarely get an answer like “Dissecting animals.” Most students, if given a multiple choice, will choose “Finishing” as their answer.

I see parents who have a hard time enjoying this moment in their kids’ lives because they think it will be better in the next phase.

The Apostle Paul wrote that “For me to live is Christ and to die is gain.” (Philippians 1:21)  He was living the moment, because he didn’t know what tomorrow would hold for him.

Let me encourage you…to walk a day at a time, live in the moment, be present in this time, and know that the Lord will never leave you or forsake you. Don’t be content to just get through it.

Categories: Bible, Christianity, Community, Faith, Freedom, Jesus, Pastor, Story, Teamwork, The Church, Uncategorized
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Pool Hall Faith Conversations

November 12, 2013

WORDS FROM W.W.                                                       November 12, 2013

 

 

      Last night about sixty people from six different churches from our community met on the second floor of a brewery restaurant to talk about faith questions. Pool tables adorned our meeting area, although we all withheld the urge to “break ‘em!”

We talked about four questions that dealt with our understandings of worship, how we experience Jesus, what would we do if we didn’t have church, and thoughts about the growing population of people who classify themselves as “nones”- people who have exited the church as a place to experience God.

Lutherans stood alongside Methodists, who stood next to Presbyterians, who rubbed elbows with Mennonites, who smiled at Baptists. Each question began with two of the pastors giving brief thoughts on it, and then the people went at it in smaller groups. Each new question was preceded with a reshuffling of the humanity present based on what kind of shoe they were wearing, where they lived, how they licked their ice cream cone…etc.

I stood with my Sprite next to a colleague with his wine and we talked about faith. No one got upset, or tried to make others “come over to the truth.” All of us realized that none of us have all the answers, and the one who thinks he has all the answers is the one to beware of.

We listened with our ears, disagreed without coming to blows, and pondered questions about our faith that we too often don’t think about.

There was a hint of “Baptist suspicion” in a few that I met. When I see some things that have been done by Baptists (Westboro Baptist), however, I understand the hesitancy. In one of my answers to a question I mentioned the need for the church to promote an environment where questions can be asked that don’t necessarily have answers. A young man came up to me afterwards and told me he was taken back by the comment. I asked why, and he said from his experience with a Baptist church in his past questions weren’t welcomed.

People hung around after the eighty-minute session had ended and continued talking. Carol and I left an hour later, glad we had been a part of it.

Although I have no intentions of exiting the American Baptist Churches, I do find it rewarding to enter into faith conversations with my brothers and sisters of other churches. I think it is more threatening to our faith journeys to discourage dialogue than it is to discuss our beliefs.

Many might disagree with me…but that’s okay! I have never promoted the idea that I have all of the answers.

Categories: Bible, Christianity, Community, Faith, Jesus, Pastor, Story, Teamwork, The Church, Uncategorized
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Telling Laughter

October 25, 2013

WORDS FROM W.W.                                                       October 25, 2013

 

                                          

 

I admit it! My prejudice shows as I listen to someone’s laughter. Laughter to me is the telling sign of who a person is. It conveys warmth and character, but to me it also reveals arrogance and a darkened spirit.

There is good laughter and there is evil laughter, sinister snicker if you will. There is laughter that brightens the darkest room and laughter that darkens the brightest room.

I was watching an interview the other night on CNN. Piers Morgan was interviewing Warren Buffett, his son Howard, and grandson Howard W. Buffett. I don’t often sit down and watch an hour-long interview on television, but I found myself enthralled by the whole conversation. A big reason for my interest was the laughter of Warren and his son. Howie has that kind of laugh that reverberates through his whole body to where he looks like a wind-up toy that has been set loose. His laughter involves every body part. His dad, one of the richest men in the world, has a deep laugh that very few would associate with wealth. It’s a light-hearted chuckle that is delightful.

The main reason they were being interviewed was because of Howard’s new book that had just been released, Forty Chances: Finding Hope In A Hungry World. Howard has traveled the world seeking to help remedy the problem that very few people, let alone wealthy people, want to face…world hunger.

I went on-line that night and downloaded a copy of the book for my iPad and have started reading it. It’s very good, but what drew me into making the purchase was the laughter of the author. It was grounded and solid in tone. You can tell he is very serious about the issue, and yet he doesn’t take himself that seriously.

His laughter convinced me. His dad’s laugh seconded it. I one-clicked the purchase.

Some might think I’m really off base here, but laughter tells me more in a moment than an hour long conversation with someone. A laugh makes me like someone or want to leave like I’m being force-fed a spoonful of Castor Oil.

Jesus had a great laugh. Okay, I can’t prove that from scripture, and he certainly wasn’t laughing around the Pharisees and religious types, but gather a flock of kids and I can’t imagine Jesus not laughing. As the late Art Linkletter used to say, “Kids say the darnedest things!”

Laughter tells me that a kid is happy. Laughter at the wrong time tells me of some deeper issues going on. Laughter at another person’s pain is grieving.

I love to laugh. Whenever I see Brandon Bayes (which has been a number of years) one of the first things I will do is mimic the laugh of a man who was a part of the same Holy Land Tour group that we were in. We will laugh at the laugh. The laughter will reconnect us to a week spent together some twenty years ago.

My dad has a great laugh. It resembles Howie Buffett’s. His whole body gets into the act. My brother-in-law, Mike, often slaps his knee as he laughs. He feels comfortable with knee-slapping light-heartedness.

My late Aunt Irene had a great laugh. It kind of came at you like a wind that was building up to a roar and then got released. My late Uncle Bernie was the “he-he” kind of chuckler. Uncle Bernie worked at his church’s food pantry into his nineties and brought a bit of levity into the lives of a number of people who were on the edge of despair. One of my former college professors, the late Ron Richards, had a laugh that warmed up the room. We needed laughter in the midst of Economics class. Economics was one of those classes that could have easily depressed me.

I realize that I’ve used the term “the late” several times in the past couple of paragraphs, but it brightens my day to know that I can remember how so many people who have proceeded on to glory sounded in the humor of life. It makes me chuckle in a pure way.

Categories: children, Christianity, Humor, Jesus, Parenting, Pastor, Story, The Church, Uncategorized, Youth
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A New Name

October 25, 2013

WORDS FROM W.W.                                             October 25, 2013

 

                                           

 

     Today my dad and I invited a great gentleman named Bill Ball out for lunch. Bill was one of my mentors growing up.  Always encouraging with a urging towards perseverance, Bill was a welcome smile to a high school boy of smaller stature. He also had three daughters, the middle daughter, Teresa, whom I thought the cat’s meow.

A week ago Bill’s wife of sixty-six years, Sue Ball, passed away after a sudden illness. Sue was a fine lady, charming and personal. She was one of those people you’ve save a seat for beside you in a restaurant because she was such a delight. When I was back for my mom’s funeral less than two months ago Sue and Bill came up to my parents’ house and we sat and talked for a solid hour about life, kids, and pursuits.

I was taken back at her passing, and then today Bill told me that her name wasn’t really Sue. My response: “Say what?”

The first day of class as both of them began their college careers at Rio Grande College in Rio Grande, Ohio, they met in the college library. Bill took a fancy to this young woman immediately. They started dating, and five years later they got married. But her name was Edna Pearl!

Bill, however, called her, Sue. I’m not sure why he called her Sue. She was always “Pearl” to her mom. Perhaps he didn’t think she looked like someone whose name was “Pearl.” Whatever the reason, “Sue” stuck! It stuck so much that when they moved to Ironton, Ohio fifty-something years ago everybody in town came to know her as “Sue”. Whenever Bill was around Sue’s mom he was wise enough to call her Pearl, but otherwise she was Sue.

It isn’t often that someone is so accepting of a new name. Our identity gets associated with who we’ve been, not who we will be, or even invited to be. I know who I have been. There’s a certainty to it. A new name takes a bit of faith in the not-yet.

I never knew Sue in her prior life of her original name. Most everybody in Ironton, Ohio didn’t know her birth certificate name either. So unknown was her “Edna Pearl days” that Bill had to put “Sue” into the obituary listing to make people aware of who it was that had passed.

I was amazed by the story as he shared it today. Scripture tells several stories of new names that God gave people. Usually the new name was bestowed at a “fork in the road” moment. Abram to Abraham…Saul to Paul…nomad to father of the faith…persecutor to proclaimer.

The thing is…the longer you wrap yourself in the new identity that Jesus gives you the more it seems that is who you have always been. At some point people see you more as a “Paul” and forgetting of “Saul.”

Whatever name we remember Edna Pearl Sue Ball by the Lord knows her by a newer new name…”Beloved!”

Categories: Bible, Christianity, Community, Death, Faith, Jesus, love, marriage, Pastor, Story, The Church, Uncategorized, Youth
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Soup and Salvation

October 23, 2013

WORDS FROM W.W.                                                    October 23, 2013

 

 

    On Wednesday nights at church we have soup and simple sandwiches…grilled cheese, lunchmeat…not Monte Cristos, Ruebens, or French Dips. Sometimes the soup comes from a family named Campbell, but at other times we have Barbara Shepard’s stuffed green pepper soup that would make Julia Child smack her lips if she was still living, or meaty chili worthy of royalty.

Soup warms up the palates and the conversation. Soup turns a bad day at work into an evening of reconsidered blessings. Our cooks and servers stand at the kitchen counter with smiles and greetings as young and old shuffle by with their trays extended and taste buds jumping out of mouths.

Before the kids head to Awana to learn Bible verses, and be told stories of the love of Jesus, soup preps the path. Crumbled up crackers are kind of like communion wafers ready to pull a person into the fellowship of the saints. Soup slurpers are living examples of grace. Making noises as a hot soup spoon of broth is being sucked in requires a lowering of personal pride and a raising of our understanding that all of us have fallen short.

The soup puts everyone in the same boat, knowing that we need each other to make it to the other side.

The soup also flows us towards serious considerations of where we are with God, each other, and life itself. It’s like the vehicle that carries us to the event. People talk about their days, tell humorous stories, show pictures of their kids, and release some of the tension that was apparent in their faces and shoulders when they had first arrived.

Soup has no hidden agenda. People donate a buck…if they want to or can. A second bowl is there for the taking if anyone desires…even a third. There has been a couple of Wednesdays this year where we ‘ve just added more water to the pot to take care of the larger crowd. Let me clarify that! We never add water to the stuffed green pepper soup. That would border on desecration, and be disrespectful of Barbara’s caring preparation. Only Campbell’s get extra water!

People say that Jesus comes to them in different ways…at a summer camp, in a sermon, through a tract in a hospital waiting room, or through an old-time weeklong revival completed by an altar call of extreme length. But I also wonder if Jesus begins to be glimpsed in the sharing of bowls of chowder and steaming cups of cream of something soup.

We’ve had several new families that have appeared on Wednesday nights. Those uncomfortable first moments of newness seem to disappear as the soup becomes the focus. Most people are hesitant about new surroundings, kind of like meeting your blind date for the first time…those initial moments of awkwardness when you feel sure you are going to insert one of your shoe soles inside your mouth. Soup connects and lightens the table conversation.

And it is delicious!

It’s interesting that there are a number of stories in the gospels about Jesus and meals. The meal was the icebreaker. There’s no fast food mentioned in Scripture. Jesus gets criticized for wining and dining with “sinners.” He goes home with Zacchias for supper and conversation. And, of course, the last supper in the Upper Room was the Passover meal being observed.

Food and fellowship roll on together like a team of horses pulling a wagon. Soup is an entry point for conversations about purpose, faith, life, and the next life.

Pass me another saltine cracker!

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Spiritually-hungry Adults In Kids’ Bodies

October 22, 2013

WORDS FROM W.W.                                                         October 22, 2013

 

                      “Spiritually-hungry Grown-ups in Kid’s Bodies”

 

Understatement that is about to be made. Kids like to have fun!

Nothing like a good game of “Red Light, Green Light!”

Kid’s birthday parties are celebrations of delight with icing!

A neighborhood gathering of children for a game of “hide-and-go-seek” still gives me goosebumps!

I love watching my grandson have fun playing soccer on a small-sided field with other five year olds. He hasn’t learned that you’re suppose to keep score yet, even though most of the adults watching are keeping track of that. He’s just having fun…and regardless of whether his team scores twenty goals or zippo the post-game snack will be be the same and taste just as good.

Kids often have a great perspective on things.

What I’ve been noticing lately in our church is that there are a number of spiritually hungry kids. I’ll call them “spiritually-hungry adults in kid’s bodies”, because a lot of them are asking deeper questions than how many loaves and fishes did the little boy give Jesus?

One young man, just a tee shirt size past being a kid, asks me questions of depth each week. He’s looking for substance in this thing we call “walking with Jesus.” He’s figuring things out in his heart and in his mind. His mom has told me that he’s thinking about being a pastor. What do you say to a “Samuel?”

“Be a good little boy for Jesus” does not suffice. I’ve come to realize that spiritually-hungry kids don’t need all the answers in one gorging session. They need questions that lead them to discovering answers, and they need conversations that bring them to certain points where they can hear my answer.

Spiritually-hungry kids want to ask questions that don’t necessarily have one clear answer. “If God created everything, why did he create Satan?”  “If God knows I’m going to tell a lie why doesn’t he stop me before I tell it?” “Why is our worship service on Sunday morning for about an hour? Why not thirty minutes or three hours…and why don’t we have popcorn? Is there something in the Bible that says we can’t have popcorn in church?”

     No question is out-of-bounds for spiritually-hungry adults in kid’s bodies.

And here’s something else that I have no proof of, but just a sense in my spirit about. Kids who ask deep spiritual questions are often borderline threatening to a church. Sometimes it’s because the actual grown-ups aren’t asking deep questions themselves. If the climate is always one where only questions that have easy answers can be asked, deeper questions weigh on people like the after effects of the Sunday potluck.

In other situations kids who ask deep questions create uncomfortableness because it throws the whole system out of whack. Kind of like someone taking college courses he though he’s still in high school. It isn’t the progression we are used to, and yet a whole lot of high school graduates now enter college already with a number of college credits.

Kids asking deep spiritual questions…listen to this…is the hope of the church!

How so? It’s a rescuing of the community of faith from meaningless ritual and superficial spirituality. It’s leading new followers of Jesus beyond the tyranny of the urgent that keeps telling us that everything else is more important than the murmurings of our spirit.

Kids asking deep spiritual questions conveys that THIS really is IMPORTANT, this relationship with Jesus and life amongst the other believers. When kids stop asking questions the church has questions to ask.

I close with a confession! Too often I’m more concerned with the agenda and schedule than I am with the questions. For instance, last Sunday I did a kid’s story in our worship service. It did not go as I planned. The kids had comments and questions that did not fit into my plan. I rushed them to “my finish line”, because there was the adult message to get to. Sometimes that’s how we are…rush the kids to the pre-determined end point and ignore the questions.

And you know something! Kids are more important than that! They need to be seen…and heard, especially while they are still willing to give us “older kids in adult bodies” a hearing!

Categories: Bible, children, Christianity, Community, Faith, Freedom, Grace, Jesus, Parenting, Pastor, Story, The Church, Uncategorized, Youth
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When A Child Prays For You

October 21, 2013

WORDS FROM W.W.                                                      October 20, 2013

 

 

Today I was incredibly blessed in numerous ways. Every day is like that. We just don’t recognize a lot of the blessings.

But today a ten year old boy named Miles blessed me more than he will probably ever know. Before our worship service started, he was invited into my office, along with Rich Blanchette to pray for me.

Rich and Miles each laid a hand on my shoulder and “prayed me up” for the morning service. Miles has not been ordained, elected, or even assigned. He’s just a neat kid who likes to wear combat pants in the woods, laugh a lot, and follow Jesus. He got baptized last April along with his little sister. He goes to school like any other kid, eats turkey legs at Air Force football games, and can be a goofball when he feels like it.

So why was I so blessed by Miles? Because too often kids are tolerated in the church, not empowered. Kids are cute, but seldom are taken seriously.

But a church that allows kids to not only pursue a relationship with Christ, but also be a part of ministry is awesome.

And why is that important? Because kids are awesome. Kids simplify what we grown-ups complicate.

I’m not nominating Miles for sainthood or planning his ordination. I’m just saying I was overwhelmed that he thought enough of me to want to pray for me.

Perhaps next week I’ll be surrounded by praying kids…and I’d be okay with that.

Categories: children, Christianity, Community, Freedom, Jesus, Parenting, Pastor, Prayer, Story, The Church, Uncategorized, Youth
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Conversing With the Cable Guy

October 16, 2013

WORDS FROM W.W.                                                      October 16, 2013

 

                          

                             

He pulled up in a pick-up that looked like it had been through a few battles. I welcomed him into the house and showed him where the main TV was located. He had lazy eyes, kind of like the Robert Barone character on Everybody Loves Raymond, and a slightly covered tattoo on his right upper arm.

We conversed for a little bit and then I left the room to put the laundry in the washing machine. When I came back we started talking again and he asked me what my occupation was.

“I pastor a church.”

“Oh, really! Which one?”

“Highland Park Baptist Church, corner of Maizeland and Circle.”

“I was baptized when I was a baby back in Boston.” I assumed it was a Catholic church, but from the tone of his voice I don’t think he really knew. “I’ve probably only been in a church four times in my life. Once for my grandfather’s funeral, and a wedding, and once I went with a friend of mine to his church in Denver some place.”

“How was that?”

“I don’t really remember. He invited me to go with him so I did. That’s it!”

I searched for something to say, but nothing rose to the surface. Sometimes the work of the Holy Spirit is to keep us from having a nice quick response.

“I don’t know about God…or a higher power…or whatever you might call him. I don’t really buy into it. I’ve got too many questions that don’t seem to have answers. Like…why would God allow catastrophes to happen? Or why are there so many different kinds of churches? Why not just one church? Why does one person believe one thing and another person believes something completely different?”

“Those are all good questions.”

“I’ve never really read the Bible. Not really my thing.”

“It’s got some good things to say.”

“Probably. I believe that we’re here, but I’m not sure we have a purpose. What if we’re just one of many planets in the universe that are inhabited? What does that say about us?”

“I’m not sure.”

“So…you’re like the priest?”

“Something like that.”

“That’s cool! Do you…like, have mass on a certain day?”

“Yes, on Sundays, but we’ve got other things that go on during the week. Monday is my day off.”

“So…where did God come from?”

How do I answer that?

“I guess you could say that God didn’t come from anywhere or anyone, because he is God. He’s always been and will be.”

“I guess that’s hard for me to understand. I need scientific evidence. It just seems too vague, too foggy.”

“I guess some things just require faith. I’ll always have doubts, but I trust that God knows what he is doing and plans to do.”

“My doubt trumps my faith.”

“There’s a verse in the Bible where the followers of Jesus met him AFTER he had been resurrected from the dead and it says “they worshiped him, but some doubted.” 

For me, that tells me that doubt is part of the faith journey.”

“I hear what you’re saying, but I’m just not there. And, quite honestly, I have my doubts over a story about someone being brought back from the dead. Sounds too much like a Hollywood hero-movie ending.”

We talked for a while more. It was thought-provoking and challenging. Here was someone who had experienced a lot of uncertainty in his life, but a journey with Jesus was just a little bit too much of a reach for him. It made me think about the challenges of communicating Truth to a generation that does not know the Bible, or value the Bible. It echoed in my spirit about the hesitancy of faith. Doubt is the easier road to take.

Perhaps my willingness to talk brought a little light to the situation for him. I didn’t try to convince him that he was wrong and I was right, but I listened and responded as best I could.

Sometimes questions don’t need to be answered. They just need to be heard. That day our new cable got installed and God had me listen.

Categories: Bible, Christianity, Faith, Holy Spirit, Jesus, Pastor, Story, The Church, Uncategorized, Youth
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From Father to About-To-Be-Married Daughter

October 10, 2013

WORDS FROM W.W.                                                     October 10, 2013

 

 

Dear Child Turned Into Woman,

 

I’ve experienced a shower of joyful tears in recent days as I’ve pondered your approaching wedding. Your mother has labored hours and hours in anticipation of the event, and I know the labors of love have been preceded by years of prayers of love.

You are being wed to a man to look up to. Well…you usually do look up to anyone who is older than eleven, but you look up to Mike because of his character and qualities.  He has a spirit of determination within him, and he is determined to be a husband of strong character and substance.

So what can I say to do as you approach this transition from single young lady to new wife?

Be who are you are! Mike loves you for who you are, not for who you might be. He was drawn by your tender spirit, your sensitivity for those who are hurting. He loves your gullible nature and adorable laugh. He loves your strong convictions and commitment to principle. And he loves your fearfulness and, odd as it sounds, your fearsomeness. He loves your need for his input, although I don’t think you need to call him to see what kind of toilet paper you should buy at Walgreen’s! You can keep calling your mom for input on things like that.

Be grounded and surrounded! Continue to be a learner of the Word and a journeyer with Jesus. Beginning a marriage needs the spiritual blanket of prayer and support. Take each other’s hand at dinner and say a prayer of thanksgiving. Find some others who are followers of Jesus and join with them. Stay away from churches with hype and lot for a church of substance and authenticity. Question why you believe what you believe, and discover where your spiritual roots are solid and which ones need a bit if fertilizing.

Be addicted to laughter! Nothing brightens up a home light shared laughter. You’re good at that. Your life has been abundantly filled with laughter. You and your sister laughed so much together as you were growing up…and you still do! One of the joys as your father has been hearing sibling chuckles, even though I was clueless as to what you were laughing about.

Be weather-resistant! That is, you and Mike will encounter storms. Life has it’s times of blessed sunshine, but also torrents of rain. Stand firm! Stand together. As your parents get older there will be those health scares and realities that will bring stress to your life and Mike’s life. There will be disagreements that you will encounter with your husband. Don’t ever let life situations and storms rise above your love and commitment to one another. The depth of your marriage is directly related to the persevering through difficult times.

Be willing to ask. If you need advice call us. Both you and I know that you call your mom about eighty times a day to talk about wallpaper, reality TV shows, and the price of shampoo. I get it! I don’t like wallpaper, reality TV, or what the brand of my shampoo is. But if you need some advice on something, don’t be afraid to call. On the other hand, marriage is an opportunity for you and Mike to now figure out some things on your own. He can be your adviser and you can be his adviser. I’m okay with being the next layer down.

Be my daughter…still! I’m extremely proud of you. Who you have been, who you are, and who you will be. Each of our three kids is special to us. Who would have thought our kid who kept kicking down the “For Sale” sign in front of our house at 816 Cindy Street, Mason, Michigan, would one day marry Michael Terveen from Spearfish, South Dakota? Although you will legally be Mrs. Elizabeth Terveen, you will always be “Lizi” to us. We treasure our relationship with you, which although will take on a different dynamic, will not change at the core. You are our daughter…and now I’m crying tears of joy!

Categories: children, Christianity, Community, Humor, Jesus, love, marriage, Parenting, Pastor, Prayer, Story, The Church, Uncategorized, Youth
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