Archive for the ‘Humor’ category
January 12, 2015
WORDS FROM W.W. January 12, 2015
A friend of mine that I’m fortunate enough to be the pastor for recently wrote to me to tell me how appreciative he is of me, and he went on to say that “God has blessed me in so many ways.”
It got me pondering the whole idea of “being blessed.” How seldom do we realize that we have been blessed? Notice I said “seldom”, because in thinking about it I believe that most of the blessings in our lives so unnoticed. Since I am a 60 year old male the appropriate word might best be “clueless.”
Blessings are like Honda Civics. There are so many of them on the road these days you come to a point where you don’t notice them. (I drive a Civic!) It becomes necessary for me to take a step back and view my life, do a personal review, and then slow down long enough to notice how I am abundantly blessed.
It seems that in our culture “being blessed” gets connected to something of personal gain. A promotion at work, a new girlfriend (I’m not referring to myself!), an unexpected tax refund, or the birth of a new child or grandchild…being blessed is equated with something we can clearly quantify. Believe me, there are blessings in those things just mentioned, but most blessings are misunderstood or simply missed!
This past week a dear man from our church who has been dealing with cancer was missing from our Saturday morning men’s Bible Study. It was in missing his presence that I realized how blessed I am to have him as a part of my life. Oddly enough, there is a blessing for me in the fact that I’m so concerned about him.
I talked to my dad on the phone yesterday. We are separated by about 1400 miles, but I was immediately blessed to hear his voice…the familiar eastern Kentucky accent, the few minutes of rehashing the UK Saturday basketball game, the same chuckle that makes my heart leap with joy. As I was talking to him I was not thinking about how blessed I am. It was only later on in the evening that it came home to roost with me.
Last night Carol (my girlfriend for the past 36 years) and I spent time together. We went to a pizza place close to us and enjoyed dinner there, traveled on to Target to get a few things she needed for upcoming events, while there we talked to the young man who lives across the street from us who informed us we was leaving for the Navy next month, came back out to the Civic that was covered with snow, and traveled slowly back home immersed in conversation, laughter, and blessing. As I sit here typing this now I realize what a multitude of blessings were a part of those couple of hours.
This morning in the overnight blanket of six inches of white stuff Carol asked me to drive her to school. Once again, I realize how blessed I am that she needed me to driver her, blessed to know that I am the one who eases her heightened level of anxiety in times like this.
I’m sure that I will go through much of this week anchored back into my tendency to be a clueless guy, but at least for a few moments today I’m recognizing the magnitude of my blessing.
Categories: children, Christianity, Community, Faith, Humor, Jesus, love, Parenting, Pastor, Story, The Church, Uncategorized
Tags: accent, anxiety, awareness, blessed, blessings, clueless, clueless man, conversations, fortunate, Honda Civic, Kentucky, snow, tax refund
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January 5, 2015
WORDS FROM W.W. January 5, 2015
I often begin a conversational sentence with one word…”Well.” It’s not a word of depth as much as it is a word of delay. It’s the equivalent of a student raising their hand in a second grade classroom to be recognized.
Now…why do I begin sentences with “well?”
Well…let me tell you!
It goes back to my grandfather, my Papaw, Dewey Helton, born and raised in Johnson County, Kentucky where front porch wisdom is in plentiful supply. Papaw Helton would often initiate his sharing of wisdom with a “well” drawn out to cover a considerable time period.
Many times it was the beginning of a grandfatherly statement that was intended to make you see the error of your ways.
“Well…look a’here! If boys start wearing girdles, are you going to wear one too?”
That wisdom was shared after I grew my hair out to the point that it touched my ears. To my Papaw I was starting to look radical. My rationale about it being the new style didn’t carry water for him. That made as much sense as trying to get eggs from a pig.
Papaw’s voice would also quiver a little bit as he uttered the “well.” He had a little country preacher in his blood. For a moment you got the feeling you were in a revival meeting where he was about to call the glory down, but he would just as quickly come back down to earth and rattle off some more common sense.
“Well…’pon my honor!”
Those words were usually said in a verbal jousting match with one or more of my uncles. Kentucky politics was a topic ripe for debate. There were always half a dozen viewpoints, but none of them even close to the gospel truth besides Papaw’s.
“Well…Lord have mercy!” Lord was the second word spoken for an eternity. In fact, Papaw lengthened it out even longer than “well” because the Lord needed to be “the most!” His voice would rise and fall as if it was heading for the end times.
“Well…Lord have mercy, son! I’ve never heard of such a thing!”
“It’s true, Papaw!”
“Well…look a’here, Billy Dean!”
That was the next level of the conversation. When Papaw thought you were slow to come back to common sense he would address you by your first and middle names just in case you were suffering from foolhardiness!
Well…now you know why I begin so many statement of truth with “well.”
Well?
Categories: children, Freedom, Humor, Parenting, Story, Uncategorized, Youth
Tags: common sense, Eastern Kentucky, farming, front porch, girdles, grandparents, Johnson County, Kentucky, Kentucky politics, long hair, Lord, Papaw, radical, wisdom
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January 2, 2015
WORDS FROM W.W. January 1, 2015
I don’t know when it was that I discovered that stovetop burners can be hot, or how to tie a neck tie, or cars only run on “E” for so long. What I do know is that at some point in my life journey the status of each of those situations went from unknown to known. Each went from confused to clear.
Much of life is learned from experiencing it. We become wiser, often as the result of really dumb decisions.
–If you stick your finger in the light socket bad things happen!”
-Never call your fifth grade teacher “an old bag!”
-Never tell a young lady you are trying to impress that her body proportions are full in one place and small in another. When she switches which part of the body you’re inferring is small and which part is plentiful… it will be your last date with her.”
-The airlines doesn’t care that you were held up in traffic. No matter what your situation, they ain’t waiting for you!”
-Don’t say ain’t when you think you might be meeting your future in-laws!”
These are just a few of the things that I now know. Experience is sometimes a teacher with a snap to it.
I enter a new year with a volumes of knowns that I no longer need to question. I know I have three great kids, each with unique talents and characteristics that I’m thankful for. I know I love and am loved my a wonderful woman who joined me on a marriage journey thirty-five years ago. I know that I have great friends in various locations around the country, and I know that friendship, unlike NBA basketball, is never over-rated.
I know that I am loved by God and made free to be by the cross of Christ.
I know that the Body of Christ gets trash-talked and cast aside by as many cynical self-absorbed Christians as non-Christians; and that very few believers understand what it means to be a community of faith. Perhaps these last “knowns” are the result of pastoring for a few decades, and are now known as I gaze upon the wounds of leading sheep.
January 1 is about about new. It marks that beginning point of another leg of the journey. It’s a dividing point between what was and what may come. As I look at “new”, I’m pondering what new knowledge I’ll encounter this year, what new developments will dot my life that cause the picture to become clearer? What new revelations will God bring forth that leave me with my mouth wide open? What new glimpses of his hand of mercy and grace will cross my path? What new understandings of scripture will I marvel at as it meshes with my personal experiences of life?
It is always important for the student to approach a new chapter with a sense of expectancy and excitement. Like a child opening Christmas presents there will be those gifts that cause our hearts to giggle with glee, and there will be the present that holds a new pair of jeans…essential, and yet about as exciting as a new cooked spinach recipe.
I walk ahead knowing that I’m never alone, and that He knows me intimately.
Categories: Bible, children, Christianity, Christmas, Community, Faith, Grace, Humor, Jesus, love, Pastor, Story, Teamwork, The Church, Uncategorized
Tags: Body of Christ, community of faith, expectancy, faith journey, January 1, jeans, journey, known, learning, new beginnings, new experiences, new year, path, things you shouldn't say
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December 29, 2014
WORDS FROM W.W. December 29, 2014
Growing up in a southern family living in the Appalachia I was “wised up” by many aunts and uncles about things I was not aware of. Many of those things became suspect in their truth years later. For instance, anything that one of my aunts felt I was not yet old enough for they would attach a Surgeon General’s warning to it: It will stunt your growth! I’m sorry that I did not make a list of all the things that had “growth stunt hormones” as part of their chemical make-up.
My mom was big on “settling.” That meant I needed to let dinner “settle a little bit” before I ran like a wild six year old around the backyard. Settling was like a punishment for a young boy…worse than having to do homework! I would rather have read about Dick, Jane, Sally, and Puff than settle. It never occurred to us in those days that reading and settling could be done at the same time. I could have been multi-tasking before we even knew what it was!
“Settling” was a brief time period where we evidently needed to let the mashed potatoes head to one part of our stomach, green beans to another, and the meat loaf to another. It was like a time of “sorting out” for the food creatures in my tum-tum, like they were in a logjam at one of the intestinal curves. Knowing how much Velveeta Cheese we were consuming in our Kentucky-recipe casseroles there was a better than even chance of that happening!
I’ve never been a good settler. My Aunt Irene would look at my fidgeting body and ask me, “Well…Billy Dean, do you have ants in your pants?” And then she would chuckle, and her chuckle in some odd way had a calming effect on “the ants.”
I remember those days like they were yesterday. They were good days…days when a kid felt fully alive and carefree, when an afternoon was going to be punctuated at some point with a sugar cookie that was carefully “lifted” from the cookie jar when no adults were in the room.
As I age a little less gracefully than fine wine I find myself thinking about the past perhaps even more than the future. I suppose it is an aged form of settling. I sit and remember and am thankful. I sip coffee and think of the aroma of Maxwell House that was always percolating in my parent’s kitchen in the morning.
I settle into a time of writing and get pictures of my dad, sitting at the kitchen table, preparing the Sunday School lesson he was to teach, the carefulness of detail, the importance of imparting scriptural truth to a class of moms and dads that needed some insights to help them travel through another week.
Settling has new meaning for me!
My six year old grandson is a the reincarnation of his granddad. He often has ants in his pants…and the ants have mutated into a more hyper form since I was six. I find myself starting to say to him, “Jesse, let’s settle down a little bit!”
And then I bite my lip, and here the chuckle in my head of my Aunt Irene!
Categories: children, Christmas, Freedom, Grace, Humor, love, Parenting, Story, Uncategorized, Youth
Tags: aging gracefully, ants in your pants, Appalachia, aroma, Aunt Irene, aunts and uncles, casseroles, cookies, dinner, fine wine, homework, hyper kids, Maxwell House, remembering, reminiscing, settle down, six year olds, Sunday School lesson, unsettling, Velvet cheese
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December 15, 2014
WORDS FROM W.W. December 15, 2014
There are many pictures of Christmas that cross our minds or are caught by our eyes. Holly and mistletoe…egg nog and fruitcake…the mall Santa and front-yard inflatables. We use a number of things to convey the messages of hope, peace, love, and joy. Sometimes it’s hard to keep the proper perspective of things. My daily email box is full of on-line offers for everything from doormats to designer jeans. I’ve never had so many emails from Omaha Steaks!
A few days ago I was driving by the grocery store and I saw a sight that brought joy to my soul. In front of the store was one of the red buckets for The Salvation Army. I could hear the bell being rung.
But then in front of the bucket were nine Girl Scouts dancing round and round in a circle, laughing…enjoying…experiencing a sense of delight as they manned the bucket for a couple of hours. It was a picture of Christmas being lived out. Dancing with joy because of the season’s reason, while performing acts of charity.
Joy in child-like giggles.
Collecting coins and dollar bills to help the impoverished gain a step in the uncertainness of daily living.
Joy-filled charity. A picture of the blessed being a blessing.
Christmas is many things. On the day the girl scouts danced a “grandparently” couple at church lit the advent candle and shared how this past year had included many challenges but many, many more blessings. A dear lady who loves God and people brought me gingerbread cookies shaped like moosely-looking reindeer. In receiving we sought to give, and invited an African-American gentleman from church to join us for lunch.
Joy and delight…giving and receiving…being blessed and being the blessing…all of those are descriptions of Christmas that convey images, actions, feelings, and pictures.
God only knows how much delight those nine girl scouts brought to the customers coming and going from the supermarket, but I know that sparked a flame within my soul that warmed my heart.
Categories: children, Christianity, Christmas, Community, Humor, Jesus, love, Story, Uncategorized, Youth
Tags: charity, collecting coins, dancing, Girl Scouts, grocery store, hope, joy, Peace, poverty, red bucket, Salvation Army
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December 10, 2014
WORDS FROM W.W. December 10, 2014
A wonderful lady in our church named Wilma, just a shy short of being eighty, blessed me in a delicious way last Sunday. Wilma had baked a pecan pie and decided that I should have it.
Now you need to understand that pecan pie is my favorite! Capped off with a scoop of Blue Bell Natural Vanilla Bean ice cream, it is a slice of pie heaven…if there is pie in heaven!
That night the “young guys” group that I lead were descending upon our house, so the food choice was settled. Pecan pie and ice cream for everyone!
I wasn’t expecting to receive a freshly baked pie that day, but some of the greatest blessings of God come at unexpected times. The even better news is that I still have two slices left after Sunday night, and Carol doesn’t care for pecan pie (What is wrong with her?), so I’m set for another couple of nights of lip smacking delight.
I don’t know if Wilma thought I was starting to look a little lean in the mid-section or what. I didn’t ask her for an explanation as to how I was the winner. Paul said that Jesus had once made the statement that “It was more blessed to give than to receive.” (Acts 20:35) I’m willing, however, to be the receiver to allow someone else to experience the gift of giving.
Wilma is a woman of God who has had a life of mountains and valleys, but God gave her the gift of baking. Her cinnamon rolls are craved. If she bakes anything to bring to a church fellowship function the baked goods are snatched up in a way that only hungry Baptists can achieve.
A simple pecan pie.
An unexpected blessing.
It makes me ponder how often I’ve been the giver of an unexpected blessing. My selfish nature says I’m always willing to have something surprise me, but how often do I look to give a surprise blessing?
Christmas has that underneath message of giving. It’s more than bartering for the best deal. It’s going a little further in helping someone else.
And…listen! It doesn’t have to be a pecan pie!
If you want to bake a cake or make some cookies, I’m open for them as well!
Just kidding…kinda!
Categories: Bible, children, Christianity, Christmas, Community, Humor, Jesus, love, Pastor, Prayer, Story
Tags: baked goods, Baptists, being a blessing, Blue Bell ice cream, cinnamon rolls, giving, It is more blessed to give than to receive, pecan pie, receiving, Wilma
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December 5, 2014
Christmas, more than any other season of the year, is defined by its music. As I write this I have my earbuds in listening to The Piano Guys playing “Angels We Have Heard On High.” It gets my fingers moving almost gracefully across the keys of my laptop. I feel like I’m almost playing the piano as I type.
Think about it! If you did an Amazon search of Christmas music you would find an incredible listing of possibilities. Lady Antebellum, Kelly Clarkson, Elvis Presley, James Taylor, Glen Campbell, Willie Nelson, Blake Shelton, LeAnn Rimes….the list goes on and on and on. Christmas music seems to be “in”, even with those folks that we don’t connect the Christian faith with otherwise.
Growing up in a one TV house we knew that if the Andy Williams’ Christmas Special was on at the same time as “Gunsmoke” or “The Beverly Hillbillies”, as kids we were out of luck. Christmas songs sung by guys named Andy or Perry pre-empted everything else.
Our church always had a Christmas Cantata that brought in a crowd. Even though a couple of the older gentlemen had hard times finding the notes that were being sung, people enjoyed the festiveness and serenity of the occasion.
I’m partial to the song that The Piano Guys are playing, plus “Silent Night”, and “O, Come All Ye Faithful.” If we didn’t sing Christmas carols during Advent there would be a riot in the church. Many of the songs tell the Christmas story. In fact, we assume a number of things about the events of Christmas because of the words of Christmas carols…such as there were three wise men (“We Three Kings”), and Jesus was born at night (“Silent Night”).
But that’s okay! There is mostly truth in the midst of the melodies.
Christmas music prepares us for the reason for the season. It points our hearts and souls towards the divine-human interaction, the event that would change the world.
People who have minimal interest in God have an abundance of interest in Christmas. Someone who doesn’t know Jesus in a personal way can probably still sing the words to “Silent Night” without a song sheet.
There’s just something special about Christmas music. We often talk roughly in our day-to-day living, but it’s near impossible to sing “O Little Town of Bethlehem” and keep a high level of spite in your attitude.
So sing, my friends! Sing! Exercise those vocal chords and proclaim “Joy To The World! the Lord has come!”
Categories: children, Christmas, Community, Faith, Humor, Jesus, Pastor, Story, The Church
Tags: Andy Williams, Christmas carols, Glen Campbell, O Come All Ye faithful, Silent night, The Piano Guys
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December 1, 2014
When Jerry opened the Christmas present that was from his mom and dad he was a little confused and perturbed.
He had graduated from college the previous May and had been fortunate to find a teaching position at a middle school in a rural school district about an hour away from the town he grew up in. It didn’t pay much, but he loved it. He loved seeing young minds suddenly understanding the mathematical methods that he taught.
He was thankful that he was able to be home with family for Christmas. His brother Silas, and twin sisters, Abby and Gail, were there also. Jerry was the youngest, but the only one who still lived in-state.
The box he had opened could have fit in his pocket. He reached into it and pulled out a key chain. He admitted later on that his first thought was “That’s all! A key chain!”
His siblings then each opened a present, and Jerry sat and battled with the conflicted feelings of anger and gratitude. Then his father said, “Oh Jerry! We forgot. You probably would like some keys to put on your key chain. Here’s one to get you started.”
His father reached into his pocket and pulled out a shiny key and handed it to Jerry. It had an “H” letter on the end of it. “H” for Honda.
“Merry Christmas! It’s parked in the garage.”
Jerry was speechless. He walked out into the garage to see a brand new Honda Civic. The box with the key chain had only been the beginning part of the story.
How often do we become confused by the generosity of God because we only have the first part of the story?
Zechariah was confused by God’s promise that he was to have a son. In Luke 1:7 we read that he and Elizabeth “…had no children, because Elizabeth was barren; and they were both well along in years.”
Zechariah was on priestly duty in the temple to burn incense when an angel of the Lord appeared to him and told him that Elizabeth was going to have a son and he was to be named John. Zechariah questions this proclamation and is literally rendered speechless.
Zechariah didn’t see the whole picture. Sometimes God’s greatest gifts to our lives aren’t understood until later. Zechariah sees a wife who is past childbearing years. God gives a child who will go before his Son and proclaim the coming of the Messiah.
David’s brothers saw a boy who should have stayed home and been watching the sheep. God gave a courageous leader who would slay a giant.
Sometimes we only see a key chain and God is about to give a key. God is generous in the present and also in the future.
Categories: children, Christianity, Christmas, Grace, Humor, Jesus, love, Parenting, Story, Uncategorized, Youth
Tags: Advent, Elizabeth, generosity, gifts, giving, Luke 1:7, Zechariah
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November 10, 2014
WORDS FROM W.W. November 10, 2014
This is the 400th post to the Words From W.W. blog! Four hundred…a four followed closely by two zeros! To many it may not be that big of an event…but considering I write a post for the blog on average about one and a half times a week it means that I’ve been going at it for six years…like an ultra-marathon runner seeking to make that next mile!
My first post was on December 30, 2008. It was entitled “Missing Mary” and dealt with a nativity scene that had the mother of Jesus get stolen. What’s a nativity scene without Mary? Awkward!
In the next 398 postings I wrote about my parents, about troubling cultural situations, bad theology, people that have influenced my life, children, three year olds, misplaced priorities, and personal confusion. I wrote a few on growing older, getting my senior discount card, and camping with a bunch of young guys.
It’s been fun! I ponder and figure out things best by sitting down in front of a lap top and pecking out about five hundred words. When I say peck I mean peck! I use three fingers in my typing. Don’t ask me where I learned that. I have no clue, but oddly enough I use two fingers on my left hand and one of my right.
Weird!
Here’s another weird thing. I flunked my first quarter of English Composition at Miami University in Oxford, Ohio. I guess I didn’t compose very well! I also didn’t go to class very well! Since then I’ve had two books published, written several magazine article, and now do this “blog thing.”
Some day I want to write a third book. I’ve started and flushed it several times. Currently, I’m back in the starting phase again and it is hidden deep within my files on this lap top.
Speaking of lap tops, when I started Words from W.W. I had a Dell. About two years ago it had to go into lap top hospice care and the tech repair guy advised me to say my goodbyes. I watched it cough its last and then headed to the Apple store. Grief does not run deep when you are dealing with Dell!
Later this week I’ll write post #401. It will deal with something that God puts on my mind. I don’t know what that is yet. With the election over there’s not much to write about…false! My next post may deal with falling gas prices, raising expectations, why did God create beets, or Starbucks…which is where I’m writing these words!
Time for a refill!
Categories: children, Christmas, Humor, Parenting, Pastor, Story, The Church, Uncategorized, Youth
Tags: 400, Apple, blog, blogs, Dell, English Composition, lap top, Miami University, posts, writing
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October 31, 2014
WORDS FROM W.W. October 30, 2014
This year I’m teaching the three and four year old’s Sunday School class. It’s not often that the pastor teaches a class like that, but I’m enjoying it. Some would say that I’ve finally found some people that I can relate to! Each Sunday a mixture of excited and apprehensive kids enter the classroom. One of them, a little boy, who just turned three, named Ben, usually has his cowboy boots on as he arrives at “Sonshne Club.”
Ben has not reached that age where his speech is clear, as is also the case for a couple of the other kids in the class…but he’s not afraid to speak!
Last night he came bopping into the church gym with his mom and little sister and said a few words to me that I couldn’t make out. It was at that point that his mom told me that he was saying hello, but he refers to me as “God!”
He thinks I’m God! I’ve been called a few other names in my lifetime, but I think this is the first time I’ve been mistakenly named God. It’s a big responsibility to carry! I’ve known some people who act like they are God, but not too many who get named God. I’ve always been “Billy” or “Billy Dean.” Back in high school I was nicknamed “Beowulf”, which got shortened to “Beo.” Bill Wolfe sounds remarkably like Beowulf, especially if your sophomore English class is reading the story at the time.
But back to God…in one three year old cowboy-booted boy’s eyes I’m God. I’m sure that won’t last for long, and someday soon I’ll be renamed Pastor Bill, but for now I’m the Man with a Plan, the Head Honcho, the Almighty and Up-righty!
On the positive side, when someone thinks your God it makes you step back a bit and think about what you’re doing and what you’re saying. If Ben continues to seek God he will remember whether or not I was a godly reflection.
After all, each follower of Jesus is a reflection of Christ. Sometimes the reflection is tainted and confusing, and sometimes it’s a Christ-honoring picture.
This Sunday when Ben comes strolling into class looking like a Pony Express rider and calling me God I’ll tell him he’s blessed and that God loves him. He will probably respond with a few words that I may not be able to decipher, so I’ll smile, give him a high-five, and tell him it’s good to have him in God’s class!
Amen!
Categories: Bible, children, Christianity, Faith, Humor, Jesus, Parenting, Pastor, Story, The Church, Uncategorized
Tags: Beowulf, God, mistaken identity, nicknames, reflecting Christ, Sunday School, teaching, teaching three year olds, three year olds
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Words from WW Blog 