Words from WW Blog

On a family vacation to Italy a number of years ago, my father-in-law and I took a day to drive over to Assisi, view the cathedrals and walk the streets of the town. On the way back to where we were staying in the Tuscany area we pulled off the highway at a roadside espresso cafe. It had no tables or chairs, just a counter, like in the old western movies. We ordered two cappuccinos, spent about three minutes sipping on the small cups, and climbed back in the car for the rest of journey home.

The Christmas break for schools commenced in our community on Friday at 2:45 p.m. At 3:00, after the hallways and byways had cleared, the teachers pulled into their “roadside espresso cafe”. It’s their respite for traveling the first half of another long and uncertain school year, a welcome distraction from the fact that there are five months still to be slowly walked through.

The teachers need an Italian espresso break. I’ve heard the deep sighs of weariness and experienced the searching for wisdom in handling situations that only a Mission Impossible scriptwriter could dream up.

Alan Wolfelt, who has written extensively about grief and its effects on the grieving, has said that grief needs to be expressed in some way. Different people grieve in different ways, whether that means overeating, acting out, not sleeping, not talking, or compulsively buying unneeded items.

School kids these days have been doing a type of grieving. They’re grieving the loss of normalcy and the dependable. That is, the way school has been is no more. What they had come to expect has been blended together with the unexpected. Masks, hand sanitizer, quarantines, COVID-19 tests, social distancing, new variants and new paranoia…it’s a whole new chapter in the educational handbook.

The first half of the school journey this year has been punctuated by students acting out in unacceptable behavior, as if they ran out of common sense filters. Things have happened that would be great material for Jerry Springer episodes. Teachers at times have been more like ranchers, just trying to keep all the horses in the corral. At other times they’ve been like foster moms and dads, providing comforting words, being a dependable presence, and offering advice.

In the midst of the expectancy of the unexpected happening each school day, they’re trying desperately to teach kids math, science, social studies, language arts, art, and woodworking. It’s a Herculean task, keeping little Johnny engaged in U.S. History, when he just wants to escape to the fantasy of his iPhone video game. Or teaching Brenda about the laws of gravity when she is grieving the loss of her grandparent.

Yes, it’s time for an espresso, a pull-over, a respite, a break to rejoice in all the things that have been pushed to the side in the rush to make sure the school to-do list has been achieved.

Take a sip. Reflect. Rest. Play.

Yesterday out middle school did the play production of “Beauty and The Beast”. It was a rousing success, filled with great performances and the little snickering moments of a middle school play. As I thought about it, the idea came to mind for another production that has potential. First there was High School Musical. Now there could be Middle School Hallway Drama.

Between classes as students stroll, roam, and occupy the school corridors, it is entertaining and revealing to watch their behavior, conversation, and avoidances. I notice the squirrel-ish sixth-graders, the beagle-ish seventh-graders, and the fowl-ish eighth-graders. It’s the school version of the animal kingdom.

There is more communication, verbal and non-verbal, in the five minutes of hallway occupation between class periods than there is in the sixty minutes of classroom instruction. Girls who refuse to say a word in class suddenly explode with a fountain of conversation, intermingled with gazing at their cell phones to see if any incredible messages have arrived in the last ten seconds. Boys assert their manhood by banging into lockers and talking about anything that is not connected to academics.

Hallway drama includes the revealing of secrets. Mr. Brown yelled at Johnny Thompson for falling asleep in class. Jimmy Green was caught cheating on the math quiz and sent to the office. He didn’t come back! Probably suspended for like a month! Judy White’s new hair style makes her resemble a ferret. The mac-and-cheese they served in the cafeteria at lunch tasted like lumpy paint.

Hallway eighth-graders are revealing of the class Casanovas and their romantic targets. Certain boys are in search of hugs from young ladies that they long to be close to…for longer periods of time! Hallway hugging may be the source of more middle school kids passing along infections than any other cause amongst their age group. There is minimal concern about breath so bad it could kill a cow as there is for the need to be embraced.

Less romantically-interested students congregate together to watch Billy Ray conquer level 368 on his cell phone video game. It’s amazing to see six boys following the action that is occurring on a screen that is 3×6 inches. Instructive tips are shared by the viewers to the gamer, as well as ridicule and laughter about gaming failed moves.

A few students actually talk to their teachers in the hallway. That is, to the teachers who aren’t in need of a five minute break from a community of adolescence. Students talk to me because they know I have a stash of Smarties available for students who deserve a few moments of sugar. I get asked questions such as, “What are we doing in class today?” Answer: Stuff. And, “Mr. Wolfe, I’m one of your favorite students, aren’t I?” Answer: “Yes. You’re in my top 500!”

Areas that are rarely visited during the five-minute passing periods are the restrooms. The urge for a student to do his/her necessary business is reserved for class time. Why waste valuable hallway time to do something as meaningless as emptying one’s bladder?

Hallway drama…or comedy reveals the kids who see the school setting as their primary social environment, the students who don’t want to be there, and the emerging teens who are trying to figure out who they are. There are tears of betrayal and rejection, and laughter caused by antics and funny sayings. There are kids rushing to get to their next classroom and others who lounge around until the last possible moment. There are fashion statement and misunderstandings, boys who have over-indulged on the Axe body spray and others who have not yet discovered what deodorant is.

Hallway drama is an experience that entertains all of the scents and causes the teaching staff to smile, frown, and shake their heads in disbelief.

Yes, this has major theatrical production possibilities!

The middle school girls’ basketball team that I coach began on Monday. Three days of tryouts will be followed by the posting of an 8th-grade team roster. The team that I have this year has the potential to be very good.

That’s the upside. The downside is the gap that has appeared this school year amongst athletes. Since there was a minimal amount of middle school sports in our area last year, many of our participants lost a year of skill development and game understanding. It showed during the recent 7th-grade boys’ basketball season (We play it early in our area!). In our first game three different players ran right onto the court when I told them to go into the game. They didn’t realize that you needed to go to the scorer’s table first. It looked more like a line change in hockey!

The athletes that were a part of a club basketball team last year are now a year ahead in game understanding, skills, and maturity. Sure, there are other factors like some kids are naturally more athletic and others have growth spurts or develop coordination later on. Those have always been uncontrollable factors. When Jimmy is beginning to have a five o’clock shadow in seventh grade, it usually means two things: he’s physically and athletically more developed than the others and…he ain’t getting much bigger!

However, this year’s gap made more evident by last year’s lack of opportunities has amplified the gap between those who have the resources to pay fees for their child to be on a club team and those who can’t afford such an expense. Club team fees can range from several hundred (Cheap!) to several thousand. A family with more than one child playing club ball incurs incredible expenses. In most situations the coaches of club teams are able to bring the athlete to a higher level of performance and understanding of the game.

Thus the gap!

What I’ve also noticed is a hint of arrogance that has seeped into some of the club players attitudes. It comes out as they play alongside of participants who missed that year of development. They know they’re better. Sometimes their frustration is evident as they are told to play on the same court or field as lesser-talented teammates. In some cases, their parents have told them how much better they are than the others. The child is encouraged to shoot and dribble the ball more and pass it less.

Thus, a significant challenge for me as a coach this year is helping my players understand what it means to be a team, develop the concept of teamwork, and value each of their teammates. The challenge, more evident than usual, is creating an equality among players who are unequally talented. It’s not a new situation, just one that, like a picture hanging crooked on the wall, needs to be straightened out.

And maybe, just maybe, the gap between the haves and the have-nots will be narrowed a little bit, and things more important than statistics and the won-lost record will be learned and taken to heart.

By now most of us have seen the film footage of an organized mob storming a Nordstrom’s around closing time and making off with merchandise worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. An estimated 80 thieves hit the store fast, blocking off a city block, grabbed whatever they could get, and fled.

Now it’s happened in other cities as well, causing shoppers to think twice before heading to a place of business. Add to that neighborhood thefts of Amazon packages delivered to front porches. Packages, mind you, that the thief has no idea what is inside!

There has always been crime, and waves of crime, but it seems that we now have a new classification of crime. That is, unlawful acts that some folk don’t consider unlawful. Perhaps we could call it “entitled crime”! Some blame it on the pandemic. Others say it’s a ripple effect of our culture’s addiction to drugs. In other words, there are a lot of excuses for why it occurs. The Bible calls it what it is…Sin! Sin is an assorted deck of offenses and neglects. If it isn’t pleasing to God it’s probably sin. If it causes a sigh to sound in the heavens it’s probably sin. If I knowingly do something that I know is not right…it’s probably sin.

In our time, however, what is considered wrong has been blurred. It’s like my annual eye exam where my optometrist places a device in front of my eyes and asks me to say what I see. He intentionally makes my vision unclear to begin with. I can only guess as to what the right answers are. That’s how it is with our current view of right and wrong. It’s blurry and subject to a person’s opinion.

However, scripture makes something crystal clear. “As it is written, there is no one righteous, not even one…All of us have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:10 and 23)

If, in this unsettling time, our culture does not accept that we’re all fallen creatures, then our starting point of what is wrong has no anchor. It’s subject to how a person feels in the moment, to circumstances, and even to individual interpretation.

We shake our heads when we see a band of hooded thieves stealing sledgehammers and power tools from Home Depot, but we’ve inched our society toward that action in the blurring of what once was clearly wrong.

Sometimes I kid some of my middle school students who demonstrate moments of entitlement. I point my finger at my imaginary dot and say “This is you.” I then draw an invisible circle around that dot and say, “And this is the world. What you’re telling me is that the world revolves around you.”

Usually that comment causes giggles from others and a smile on the face of the entitled one, followed by a few moments of sputtering and stammering.

Our culture has a high opinion of itself these days. It’s a grown-up version of that “the world revolves around you” image. As if what I do, or you do, will affect the rotation of the sun.

Stop! That last statement caused some nervous twitching amongst the Christ-followers…and it should! As a follower of Jesus I DO believe that what I do and say does have a ripple effect. My essence and my confidence is rooted in Jesus. I’m referring to the other side of confidence. The side that thinks I…me, myself, and I can do anything. Bottom line, that I am the answer to the problem and the one who can do it better than anyone else.

Case in point! Howard Stern its considering a run for the presidency. I’m sure a big part of his consideration is connected to receiving publicity and self-promotion, but it also follows the thread of thinking that our culture is filled with examples of people who believe they are the answers to situations. They are difference makers, not exasperaters of the problems.

It speaks to character, for lack thereof. Humbleness rarely causes someone to think they are well-qualified. I am acutely aware of situations in my life where humbleness was non-existent and I thought I was the answer for a particular position. When I receive a rejection letter from a publishing company or a literary agent I feel that twinge of indignation. How could they take a pass on an incredible book manuscript?

One thing about being a writer! If you aren’t a humble person, it will cause you to head in that direction!

Sometimes it takes a few head thumps for me to remember that I’m not the answer, but I follow the One who is the Answer. In fact, with no hint of arrogance Jesus said, “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.” Instead of being influenced by one of our culture’s influencers, I remind myself daily that He is the Light, the Bread, the Vine, the Living Water, and the Good Shepherd. In essence, He is the real Answer to our needs in the clattering of voices that proclaim their greatness.

In a couple of days most of our family will gather for Thanksgiving conversation, chaos, and casseroles. Part of that experience will include groans associated with the Detroit Lions and abdominal discomfort. It will also include moments of sharing what we’re thankful for. Our oldest grandson will say something absurd that will cause his mom to groan even more, like being thankful for the three hours of a certain video game that his parents are going to let him play. That would be a dream, not what will be the reality!

Our granddaughters will say something about being thankful for family and friends and turkey…and pie. The adults will mention similar things and there will be a collective sign as we consider how blessed we are.

Thanksgiving offers us the opportunity to think about the different reasons we have thankful hearts. The list begins to be formulated, with each item resulting in a rippling effect of other things that come to our mind.

Relationships and relatives.

Homes and home cooking.

Freedom and free spirits.

The list keeps growing and it conjures up memories of Aunt Cynthia’s raisin pie, front porch conversations with MaMaw and PaPaw, childhood friends Terry Kopchak, Mike Bowman, Dave Hughes, and Mike “Fairboy” Fairchild.

Thanksgiving gives us the opportunity to reflect and allow the depth of our thankfulness to rise within us. As we walk down the path of our ponderings we see how even the valleys and defeats can edge us toward gratitude. Without that disappointment after a job interview we wouldn’t have ended up in a better place and better position. Without that sudden loss of a friend we may never have reconnected with five other friends we had lost track of.

Gratitude is more than a moment or even an attitude. It is periodic debriefing of what has been and what we are in the midst of. It clears away any thoughts of being entitled to something and takes us to having gratefulness for everything.

And so my list is long and diverse from a dear friend being brought back from a close glimpse of death… to a family that is always available for hugs…to unplanned on encounters and conversations with people that cause my insides to chuckle.

Even in the Detroit Lions dismal football season there is a note of thankfulness. They are destined to receive the #1 pick in the next NFL Draft. Silver linings every where!

My wife and I just returned from a vacation road trip to Las Vegas and Phoenix. One of her sisters and brother-in-law live outside of Phoenix, as does one of our nephews, thus our trip culminating with a sliding further south.

We had other friends from Michigan who had moved to the Las Vegas area about a year ago that we wanted to reunite with, as well as their daughter who used to be one of our kids’ babysitters. The rest of our time in Las Vegas was spent walking, walking, and walking. We strolled through The Bellagio and stared at the ceiling, The Venetian and watched the gondolas, and the shopping area at Wynn’s where you had to make an appointment to be able to enter and look at the extremely overpriced merchandise. Everything in Las Vegas is about excess and unnecessary. It whispers the possibility of obtaining what is outside a person’s personality and lifestyle.

And there lies the dilemma and the deception! The Las Vegas sale that lures the crowds is an image, a dream, of people bathing in the riches of their winnings and the depravity of their fallen nature. The truth that gets detoured around is that what is excessive never satisfies. It’s simply the next rippled ring in the splash of the new experience.

There is something about us that leads us toward decisions that have not been thought all the way through. What looks dazzling seems to demand our attention. There is also something about the way God created us that longs for a holy fullness, an intimacy with the divine. The world (and the Deceiver), however, continues to lead us in a bypass around our hunger for God and caused us to settle for the thirst of the unnecessary.

In Las Vegas we saw people who were on a constant search for something that would satisfy and they never found it. And they won’t! The brightness of the lights and hopes written on marquees however will keep them searching, longing, and wondering why happiness is so elusive.