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When Your Baby is 24

February 22, 2012

WORDS FROM W.W.                                                                February 22, 2012

Today is the 24th birthday of Elizabeth Anne-Faletti Wolfe. She was born in the evening twenty four years ago soon after Carol and I finished our second game of Scrabble in the Sparrow Hospital birthing room in Lansing, Michigan.

It’s a weird feeling to know that your youngest is 24. Family VHS tapes of her dancing behind her big sister take on more of a humorous look. The picture of her on the front steps of our house with a backpack and missing two front teeth, as she is about to leave for her first day of kindergarten, cause more of an emotional reaction.

When your baby reaches 24, and you know that there is no one coming along behind her to take the title of “youngest child, you realize that, as a parent, you’ve done what you can and taught what needed to be taught. Your roles as mom and dad have changed in many ways. You’ll still be “Mom”, and you’ll still be “Dad”, but in different sorts of ways.

When she can turn the stove burner on and off by herself you no longer need to warn her about “It’s hot! No, don’t touch!”

When she can fill the gas tank herself…just stay in the car!

When you get a new cell phone, take it to her for a tutorial lesson.

When she stays up late it’s okay to go ahead and go to bed.

When it’s Sunday morning she can make the decision whether or not she is going to attend worship. Laying guilt trips on her has the potential to keep her from experiencing God and her own journey with Jesus.

When she asks a question about a problem she is looking for just a little advice, a lot of listening, and zero lectures.

When she makes a decision that is different than what you would choose don’t keep analyzing it.

When your baby hits 24, which seems really old to her, but only a foggy memory to you, you realize that you are no longer the instructor, the enforcer, the discipline agent, or drill sergeant. Instead you are now the adviser, the mentor, and the encourager.

Life is hard at times. A word from Mom or Dad may be the lift-up moment that tells her she is a person of value loved by God, and most definitely by you!

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Ten Commandments for Basketball Parents

February 9, 2012

WORDS FROM W.W.                                                                    February 9, 2012

In our Buddy Basketball program for kids we stress the need for kids to have a positive and fun recreational experience. A vast majority of kids long for that. There are a number of other things in their lives that aren’t positive and aren’t fun. It’s amazing to see the pressure that young kids of elementary age are under.

And honestly, for many kids the pressure comes from their parents. Mom and Dad want them to succeed…but it’s often confined to Mom and Dad’s definition of what success is. I wonder what Jesus would define childhood success as being. It seems that the examples of children that we hear about in the Gospels revolved around a small boy’s offering to give up his lunch for everyone (sharing with others); and Jesus’ desire to spend time with the kids that the disciples thought he didn’t have time for. When Jesus scolded his disciples for trying to keep children away from him he emphasized that the adults around him needed to chill out a little bit, to be more childlike instead of childishly adult!

So for Buddy Basketball we have something called “Ten Commandments for Buddy Basketball Parents.” Here they are, not in order of importance, but hopefully to bring some order to parental attitudes.

  1. Thou shalt applaud each player’s efforts, regardless of whose team he/she is a member of.
  2. Thou shalt not yell at or criticize the unpaid volunteer referees.
  3. Thou shalt affirm the referees whenever possible.
  4. Thou shalt not keep statistics on your child’s performance.
  5. Thou shalt congratulate your son/daughter after each game for their effort and hustle.
  6. Thou shalt be quiet and observe the pre-game prayer.
  7. Thou shalt not bring infants and toddlers into the Highland Park Church gym during the games for their own safety.
  8. Thou shalt smile at your son/daughter.
  9. Thou shalt let the coach know if your child won’t be at a game.
  10. Thou shalt have a good time and allow yourself to laugh.

This year I’m considering an 11th! I know it goes against the idea of “The Ten”, but it’s become one that we ap”parent”ly didn’t think about:

    1. Thou shalt let the coach be the coach, and you be the cheering, clapping, positive, and mostly quiet parent!

I believe Jesus would give an “amen!”

Categories: Faith, Parenting, Teamwork, The Church, Uncategorized
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Granddaughter Gazing

January 24, 2012

WORDS FROM W.W. January 24, 2012

Someone once said that “Grandkids are God’s reward for not killing your own children when they were teenagers.” It’s an extreme statement that has a hint of truth in it.
Yesterday I was asked by my oldest daughter and son-in-law to watch my granddaughter Reagan (good presidential name) for most of the day while they were at work. Reagan turns one on February 9. She’s walking light a shaky tightrope performer, and climbing stairs with a safety net shaped like an adult trailing behind.
It was a wonderful day of watching, mimicking, and warmly-confusing communication. I found myself fascinated with her alertness, how she played, and the different noises and partial words that she shared.

Psalm 139:1-2 “O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.”

She had a couple of “little people” that she was having some kind of conversation with. She brought them to me, put one in my hand, took it back out of my hand, put it back in my hand….you get the picture. As an adult who is purpose-driven I was trying to put some kind of purpose to the action. “What does this mean? What is the next step in the “little people in the palm” project?
After a few minutes I got with the program! It didn’t have to have a purpose! It was simply what one year old’s do. She was simply making me a part of her world. I relaxed and just treasured the depth of the moment.
And it was deep, because I allowed a one year old to touch my spirit.
Lunch consisted of a dinner roll cut into pieces, cut up mandarin orange slices, Gerber cereal puffs (I don’t know if they are tasty or not!), and a sippy cup of juice that she drank like a person who had walked through the desert all day. I watched with interest. Reagan has a healthy appetite. No whining that she doesn’t want to eat her peas and carrots yet. That will come in about another year. Each bite she stuffed! Her two front lower teeth would make faces at me.

Psalm 139:14 “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

I watched. I gazed. I allowed myself to live in the moment, and not worry about the long list of items to be completed the rest of the week. It was cool!
I have to admit that when Reagan went down for her nap I stretched out for a few. A sabbath rest came on a Monday couch. When she woke up again she was ready for action!

Psalm 139:17-18 “How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.”

A day of granddaughter gazing impressed upon me the acutely aware my Father in heaven is interested in who I am, my thoughts, my conversations. Perhaps He desires a bit of “little people sharing time” like I was blessed with. No objectives to be met, no timelines to stick to, just a keen desire to be with Him, as He unconditionally is with me.

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No Shoes In the Mall

December 24, 2011

WORDS FROM W.W. December 24, 2011

It was a strange scene, hundreds of people standing outside the mall at a quarter to twelve midnight. Perhaps a celebrity was showing up, or the line to see Santa was so long that people were still waiting hours after the mall had closed.
But a closer look indicated that it was neither of those. The new retro Air Jordan athletic shoes were going on sale. I don’t remember there being lines back in the early seventies for “Chuck Taylor’s” when they went on sale, although I do remember wearing them until they were literally in shreds. No wonder we couldn’t jump in those days! We didn’t have any rubber left on the bottom of our shoes!
The scene was chaos as doors opened, got busted off their hinges and crowds of people ran frantically into the shoe store, only to have most of them be disappointed with the news “No shoes in the Mall!”

Even the fortunate ones who did get the precious pairs included very few people who actually needed a pair of shoes. Comments could be heard:

“I’m putting my pair on eBay for double the price!”

“I’m going to hold on to my pair for a couple of years and then make a mint off of them!”

“I’m just going to keep mine in the box, wrap it up in protective plastic wrap, and watch the value go up. Believe me! No one is going to take down the value of these shoes by actually wearing them!”
What to do? A crisis had emerged. Johnny Junior’s quest for a college scholarship and a lucrative professional contract someday was in jeopardy because there were no AJ’s to be had. Parents explained the repercussions of this shortage to store innkeepers, but to no avail. The only advice they received was “You might try the clearance rack over there. I think we have some old black high-top Converses. They aren’t as flashy, but they still fit feet.”
Some parents became adamant about the store producing more shoes, while others just walked away with downcast expressions. But one young boy found the clearance rack, noticed a brand spanking new pair of old Chuck Taylor’s and shouted out “I found my shoes!”
While others trampled on one another, pushed, punched, and pepper-sprayed, he walked out of the mall with his mom and dad, content, excited, and ready to lace them up!

Categories: children, Christianity, Christmas, Faith, love, Parenting, Story, Uncategorized, Youth
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Important Lessons At Three Year Old’s Soccer Games

September 14, 2011

WORDS FROM W.W. September 14, 2011
I took in my three year old grandson’s first soccer game last Saturday morning. The men’s bible study group I lead extended some grace to me and pushed me out the door so I could catch the second half of a delightful time.
Three year old soccer isn’t about the game, as much as the experience and the post-game snacks. My grandson had a hat trick- two goals in the other team’s net and one in his own. He was all smiles no matter what. As long as there was a net on the back of the goal he was all giggly.
I learned a few things as I watched and savored.
It’s okay to have fun playing a kid’s game, even though adults are watching. Kids have fun playing when there aren’t any adults watching; and sometimes kids have no fun when adults are watching. It’s possible…just possible…if the parents can allow it…for the kids to have fun even when mom and dad are there. Sometimes the church needs to become more child-like and less childish, more laugh-filled and less demanding.
It’s okay to pull to the side for a moment even when the game is still going on. Our grandson, as well as many others, would take a tumble, get up and run over to mom or dad to get some consolation about the fact that he had some grass stain on his “waist high” socks. After his parents assured him that it would be okay, he was back at it. It was more like a pit stop during a NASCAR race. The race went on, but it was okay for him to stop for a brief intermission. It made me think of how infrequent my own pulling to the side happens.
In 3 year old soccer there is no “Them and Us”. If the ball is going towards the other team’s goal there was a fifty-fifty chance that the team on the defense will keep kicking it in that direction. Three year old’s aren’t as aware of the right direction as they are of their right foot. Right and wrong have been defined in different ways. “Right” is stopping and helping someone back on his feet, or saying how nice his shoes look. “Wrong” is pushing or hitting another player who has fallen on top of the pile; or saying something mean. In other words, right and wrong have not been defined by the white line boundaries, or which goal to shoot on, or even refraining running onto the field to help stop the ball even though you aren’t in the game. A soccer game with three year old’s is more about grace than law, freedom than constraints.
In a soccer game played by three year old’s there is joy. One of the coaches had tied a smiley face balloon to the top of their goal. The result was that both teams were often heading towards the smile. Three year old’s are attracted to joy. I need to learn that as a principle of life: Aim for joy. Detour away from scowls and disgruntlement. I need to consider the question: What really brings joy to my life?

And so it ended! The game was over. Not one of the three year old’s knew what the score was. I’m sure a few parents probably did, but most of the observers also saw life lived on a smaller field with excitement, delight, and laughter.
May the adult generation get a sense of that as we play on our larger fields!

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Polar Opposite Closeness

September 9, 2011

WORDS FROM W.W. September 9, 2011

Carol and I went to see The Help on Labor Day. Loved the movie! Extra butter on the popcorn! It was an enjoyable afternoon!
We arrived at 3:10 for the 3:10 showing, but when you arrive at the time of the showing guess what you watch? About 20 minutes of “Coming Attractions!” At least the theater no longer has the dancing candy box waltzing with a hot dog and a Coca-Cola cup across the screen, but most movie previews now don’t really get me excited.
What I noticed was the wide differences in the movies that were previewed, and I especially noticed this. There was a preview about the film Courageous. It’s a faith-based film from Sherwood Pictures, the movie-making ministry of Sherwood Baptist Church in Albany, Georgia. It’s the same group that produced Facing the Giants, and Fireproof. The new film, which arrives on September 30, is about four law enforcement officers, who are highly effective on the job, but struggle in the roles as fathers at home. It focuses on the urgency for fathers to invest into the lives of their kids, the vitalness of loving relationships between parents and their children.
The theme of the movie is clear.
The next movie preview that blasted onto the screen after that was the polar opposite. It was about one night stands, the non-commitment to another person when it impacts my personal comfort and convenience, and rapidness with which many people move from one relationship to another.
Don’t get me wrong! This is not about the moral decline of Western Civilization, or a lashing out at the brevity of present-day loving relationships. No, this is about the closeness of polar opposites that I sense is meshed into our culture today. Many of the same people who go to see Courageous, will go to see the other film the week after that.
There will be little recognition of the conflicting life perspective and values between the two films. Many in the audience will take in both films, remembering a touching father-son scene in one and a mad dash for the bedroom in the other.
It is perplexing, but also troubling to see the fluidness of our beliefs. It seems that we’ve become more and more flexible. We can sing praise music in one moment, and think like hedonists the next.
I’m not bitter, or even trying to be judgmental. I’m just a little bewildered.

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