Archive for the ‘Parenting’ category
June 24, 2015
WORDS FROM W.W. June 24, 2015
In about ten days I’ll head to camp…church camp, that is! Church camp for about six and a half days with high school students. High school students, many of whom have heard it all…or believe they have!
So what do I say to them that won’t cause a rolling of eyes or the closing of eyelids? What do I say to them that is truth without the hint of parental guilt? What do I say to them that will encourage them to the futures and purposes that God has for their lives?
I’ve been pondering and praying these questions for a while, but even more since a young lady I had coached passed away about three weeks ago. Just two years out of high school she lost some of her sense of purpose. Her death has caused me to ponder a tremendous amount each day.
So I’ve tried to come up with things that need to be said to a young man or woman who has sixty to seventy years of life ahead of them. Here’s what I’ve got so far…and I would love to get your ideas and suggestions!
1) Know that the world is broken…and so are you! We live in the midst of fallenness. Remember that when people, systems, and mindsets try to convince you of their perfection. Part of maturing is coming to grips with the fact that you will never have it all together. Don’t use that as an excuse, but rather as a clarifier of your environment and your life. Wholeness can come only after there is an admission that a person has some cracks in their life.
2) Accept forgiveness and be forgiving! Know that everyone makes mistakes…and you will too! Be willing to let it go- your mistakes and the errors of others that affect you- and move on!
3) Embrace your purpose! Discover it and pursue it with passion because it is this purpose that God will use to bring glory to him and some form of healing to the world. Your purpose doesn’t have to be something that is headline-grabbing, although it may be noticed when you least expect it!
4) Identify who it is who will “go to the wall” for you! “Go to the wall” means they would be willing to lay down their life for you. Know that your list will be very short, but also take note of who you wouldn’t put on that list. Who are the people who would jump on a plane and fly across the country at a moment’s notice because you need them? Would you be on their list?
5) Seek joy more than the pursuit of happiness! Joy doesn’t leave; happiness is a temporary feeling. Put another way…happiness is a seasonal visitor, but joy is a resident. Incorporate practices in your life that keep you in the stream of joy.
6) Know without a shadow of a doubt that God loves you unconditionally! Most of what happens in our lives is conditional, but nothing you do or don’t do will negate the love that God has for you. The doubts you experience in regards to that are simply deceiver-driven or self-imposed.
7) Embrace a Community of Faith! A church or gathering of Christ-followers needs to be intimately connected to your life. They need you and you need them! Don’t try to go on a spiritual journey by yourself. You’ll fall and there will be no one to pick you back up! Going to church camp one week a year is not a fulfillment of your spiritual nutrition and need!
8) Identify a mentor and walk with him/her! Joshua had Moses, Timothy had Paul. Who is it in your life that already has the wisdom and experience with the potholes of the journey? Who can steer you in the right direction, but will also be there to encourage you after you’ve screwed up?
9) Just because everybody is doing it doesn’t make it right! As my grandfather used to say, “If everybody else jumps off a cliff, are you going to jump off, also?” Sometimes my answer was yes…and I fell hard! Don’t buy into everything that our culture says is the way or the truth, or where life is! If you do you’ll end up either disillusioned or dysfunctional!
I’ll stop at 9! Perhaps I’ll add to the list later…maybe you’ll help me! But make it fast! Camp starts in ten days!
Oh…I’ll add this one for the parents! 10) Clean your room!
Categories: Bible, children, Christianity, Community, Faith, Grace, Humor, Jesus, love, Parenting, Pastor, Story, The Church, Uncategorized, Youth
Tags: broken, brokenness, church camp, forgiveness, goals, happiness, high school students, joy, knowing your purpose, life principles, mentors, Purpose, teenagers, teens, the pursuit of happiness
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June 23, 2015
WORDS FROM W.W. June 23, 2015
Dear Jack and Jill,
I happened to be watching your son Benny’s Little League game the other night. Yes, I know…that’s probably a little surprising to you. You probably think I spend all my time in prayer meetings or talking to people from the top of a mountain, walking on water and turning water into wine…you know, “the work of a messiah!” But, actually, I kind of enjoy baseball. My favorite team is…you think I’m going to say the Angels, don’t you? Actually, it’s the Cubs! They need all the help they can get! As the Word says, “nothing is impossible with God.” But, of course, those words were written before the Cubs came into existence! Just kidding!
Benny seems like a sweet young lad. I couldn’t help noticing that he laughs and seems the happiest when he is with his teammates in the dugout.
I couldn’t help noticing your body language when he came up to bat. You tensed up like the physician was about to put a hypodermic needle in your backside. When Benny stood watching a third strike sail by him his teammates still offered encouragement to him when he came back to the dugout. I then looked at you and noticed that both of you had your head in your hands in obvious disappointment.
After the game Benny was smiling when he left his teammates, but Dad, as soon as he came to you the words of advice and correction started.
So take these words with a grain of salt or chew on them and be the salt!
Let Benny be a kid! Even when the local newspaper starts putting stats in the daily sports section, let him be a kid! I don’t know if you realize this or not, but I love kids. I mean…I love everybody, but I especially love kids who are just kids. That might sound like a strange way of putting it, but actually, some kids are made to grow up too fast, and…hold on!…turn into their parents too quick!
Benny wants to know you love him for who he is, not his batting average! God wants him to enjoy being a kid for a while before he learns how to hit a curveball!
Let me suggest that you focus more on building a child with character than one who can play six positions on the field. There are a lot of adult baseball players who hit for power, but have no character. Let Benny’s baseball skills develop alongside his character. The world is changed by people who want to help others much, much more than fastball pitchers.
Don’t sell out to the game! Keep a balance in your family life. Benny may love baseball, but don’t allow him to be obsessed with baseball. Obsessions pave the road to imbalanced. Passionate is different than obsessed. Passionate echoes his love for it, his enjoyment in it. It’s okay to be passionate.
Give him some space and grant him grace. Don’t try to live your frustrated sports life through him. I’ve noticed that too many parents buy into the idea of investing their kids’ lives into extended practices, a multitude of games, long weekends in strange places, and buying the best equipment with the hope that their child will end up on ESPN’s Baseball Tonight. I worded that exactly the way I meant it also…”investing their kids’ lives!” They too often mortgage their children’s childhood for a future that the child may end up despising.
Here’s one last thing! What I noticed about Benny is that he has a caring heart. A couple of times he got a cup of water for a teammate who had just before that had made a defensive error. When he was sitting on the bench for a couple of innings he was encouraging his teammates. He helped the catcher get his equipment on, and one time put his hand on the shoulder of a kid who was smaller than him who had just gotten thrown out trying to steal second base. Benny is a great kid! And guess what? He will probably never be able to be a kid again. If you let him giggle in these years it will open up a laughter in his spirit and joy in his heart. Perhaps that’s where I’ll end it! Focus more on developing his heart instead of his muscle mass and throwing arm.
Have fun with these days! I’ll be watching and smiling, but for now…the Cubs need some divine intervention. They’ve got a series coming up with the Cardinals!
Holy Cow!
Jesus
Categories: Bible, children, Christianity, Grace, Humor, Jesus, love, Parenting, Story, Teamwork, The Church, Uncategorized, Youth
Tags: angels, Baseball, childhood, Cubs, enjoyment, kids, let kids be kids, Little League, obsessed, obsession, passionate, sports section
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June 22, 2015
WORDS FROM W.W. June 22, 2015
I’m an emotional wreck this morning! I’m drowning my tears in my first cup of Pike Place.
Why are the tears backing up in my soul? I just saw the pictures my daughter, Kecia, posted on her Facebook page of her three-month old daughter’s, and my granddaughter’s, baby dedication yesterday in our morning worship service. I’m standing there with my fingers holding one of Corin Grace Hodges’ shoes, praying for God’s blessing upon her and her family, Corin is wide-eyed and brightly beautifully dressed, Mom and Dad have bowed heads and smiling faces, as does big brother Jesse. Big sister Reagan is standing closest to the camera with her eyes open in a way that, if you know Reagan, communicates “I wanted to be the one that said the prayer, Granddad!” (She did say it at our lunch together afterwards!)
What an incredible privilege to be able to dedicate this new gift from God!
Kecia didn’t stop with just pictures of the baby dedication, however; she also posted pictures of the “dads” of her life, including grandfathers, me, “Uncle David”, and husband Kevin. Her honoring of the guys was what put me over the falls!
How often do we stop and consider how blessed we are? Sometimes we move unconsciously through life…and then we see a picture on Facebook that hits our eyes and heart at the same time…and we sense the tears welling up inside us at the blessed place we are in.
We breathe in his blessings with deep satisfaction and contemplate the awesomeness of the One who loves us.
Corin Grace has the names of our grandmothers, her great-great grandmothers, that have long since strolled into Glory. And yet when I think of her middle name I will be reminded of the grace of God upon our lives…and here come the tears again!
Categories: Bible, children, Christianity, Community, Faith, Grace, Jesus, love, Parenting, Pastor, Prayer, Story, The Church, Uncategorized
Tags: Baby Dedication, blessed, blessedness, blessing, Dedication, family, Glory, granddad, grandparents, parental influence
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June 20, 2015
WORDS FROM W.W. June 19, 2015
The sadness of nine people murdered in the midst of a church bible study gathering! Different people put different spins on the why and how. I guess these few words may very well be another opinion.
For me it comes down to a lot of different things, and yet just one standout observance. People who are whacked often are determined to do whatever it is that has invaded their hearts and minds. If it is to go into an African-American church and start shooting because of white supremacist beliefs…and he can’t see past the hatred, there isn’t much that can be done to unconvinced him.
Whacked people are imbalanced and irrational. They come in all age groups and nationalities. How they arrived at such a state of weirdo-ism is on unexplainable. Dylann Roof didn’t just wake up in the morning and decide to kill nine people. He sent time allowing the seeds of racism to grow in his mind and soul. He was influenced by people who could use rhetoric to distort reality while motivating. He let an illusion what a hero is to infect his judgment. At some point he had made up his mind, but that point was after he had crossed the line of common sense and “whacked status.”
Unfortunately, we are getting used to the whacked doing news-numbing things. As the number of different ideologies increases the number of whacked jobs will increase as well. People become passionate for the right reasons…but also for the wrong reasons! A person who is passionate for the wrong reasons is often terrifying to the rest of us.
The tragedy is that there will be another person who is whacked sometime in the next few days, weeks, or months who determines to do something unthinkable…and despite our best efforts won’t be able to prevent it.
I’ve been on a college campus today and I’ve noticed the concrete posts in front of various buildings meant to hinder any vehicle that tries to get close. The college security is trying to the best of its abilities to deter a tragedy from happening, but sometimes determined whacked people keep looking until they find a way.
God help us!
Categories: Bible, children, Christianity, Community, Death, Faith, Freedom, love, Nation, Parenting, Pastor, Prayer, Story, The Church, Uncategorized, Youth
Tags: Charleston, Determination, Dylann Roof, hate crimes, hatred, imbalanced, influence, irrational, murder, racism, terrorism, weirdo, whacked, whacko's
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June 18, 2015
WORDS FROM W.W. June 18, 2015
Last night I had the last session of a children’s discipleship class plus two adults. The two adults were there because we talk about baptism in our last session. One of the attenders of the class has been my grandson, Jesse! In earlier sessions we’ve talked about Romans 3:23 and 6:23 and the scriptural principle that all of us fall short. We’ve talked about the impact of the cross of Christ in bridging the gap between us and God that sin created. We talked about forgiveness and grace and other things.
Jesse did a recap for us last night. In these classes I look for whether or not the kids understand and whether they can explain it.
He did!
When I explained baptism he was right with me! Often he would complete my sentences.
“Jesus died-“
“And rose again!”
“All of us have sinned-“
“And fallen short of the glory of God!”
“That’s right, Jesse!”
I asked him why he wanted to be baptized. Sometimes this becomes the stumbling point, as some children can’t verbalize why, but Jesse…”Because I believe in Jesus and I’ve asked him to live in my heart because I love him, and I want people to know that I love him.”
“That’s right, Jesse!”
“And you can’t be a pastor unless you are baptized!”
“Well…not quite! Anyone can be baptized-“
“But you are “called” to be a pastor!”
I sat there with my mouth open. He has a pretty good grasp on things!
It was a Jess Bless time!
Children can bless us more than we can imagine if we let them verbalize it. In the midst of their “ants in the pants” they have the potential to communicate a gem, a truth, a heartfelt belief.
My grandson lost his “chair privileges” one day at school this year because he kept falling out of it with antsyness! Hyper in motion!
But he believes in Jesus, and isn’t afraid to tell you about him!
Categories: Bible, children, Christianity, Faith, Humor, Jesus, love, Parenting, Pastor, Story, Uncategorized
Tags: Baptism, Belief, blessed, blessing, disciple, Discipleship, Faith, grandson
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June 15, 2015
WORDS FROM W.W. June 15, 2015
Today was the first day of our Vacation Bible School. I was running gym time, well stocked with balloons, bubble blowing attire, ping-pong balls, and long styrofoam noodles. Six different groups divided across four age groupings!
What an amazing time it was! Giggly girls…confused boys…little ones with runny noses…and a few pre-teens and teens who weren’t too sure about an early morning wake-up call on a summer vacation Monday!
Give a four year old a balloon in the midst of a big gym and watch the fun! And I was having fun with them!
“All right! See who can keep their balloon in the air… without holding it!!!!…all the way to the other end of the gym! Ready…set…go!”
What is it about a balloon that makes a four year old squeal as he or she plays with it?
“Who thinks they can make their balloon go all the way to the other end by just using your foot? Raise your hand! Raise your hand!”
A flock of hands go waving in the air like sunflowers in an open field.
“Ready…set…go!”
The squealing gets mixed with giggling as the non-competitive race begins.
Fifteen minutes of balloon fun!
And then the two’s and three’s attack the gym! I’m ready with the bottles of bubbles and the bubble wand. In fact, I instantly create a new character called the “Bubblemaster!”
“Okay! Follow the Bubblemaster and see who can catch the bubbles!”
With this group I have to be careful because they do not realize that my size eleven’s can step on them. One cute two-year old boy comes up to me and with a very serious face gives me a heartfelt message.
I have no clue what he said, so I just shake my head and try to look understanding and compassionate.
A little girl puts down her balloon for a moment to look at a boo-boo she got two weeks ago on her knee. A little boy swoops in like an eagle on prey and snatches up the loose balloon. Thus, a lesson to two year olds needs to be instantly taught about sharing and fairness!
By the time the pre-schoolers leave my head is almost as light-headed as one of the balloons!
But I love it! Maybe because I’m just a kid with XL clothing on, or because they have such interesting developing personalities.
Or maybe because I see Jesus in each one of their faces, a treasure, a jewel, a blessing about toi be given…to me!
Tomorrow should be just as fun! The kids are excited, I’m excited, and the giant squishy ball is about to be unleashed!
Awesome!
Categories: Bible, children, Christianity, Grace, Humor, Jesus, love, Parenting, Pastor, Teamwork, The Church, Uncategorized, Youth
Tags: balloon games, bubble blowing, bubble master, four year olds, games, giggling, laughing, playing with balloons, pre-schoolers, squealing, vacation bible school, VBS
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June 15, 2015
WORDS FROM W.W. June 14, 2015
I’m convinced every Sunday afternoon that God knew what he was doing when he called for a day of rest. Of course, as a pastor “Sunday rest” is somewhat of a “qualified term.” Some Sundays I see a few people in their sanctuary seats who have gotten a head start on me…nap, that is!
When I get home Sunday afternoon I become a cranky old codger if I’m not allowed to lay my head on the pillow. Usually I take a book, open it to whatever page I’m on, and get anywhere from ten pages to two paragraphs read before I’m snoring like a kid with tonsil problems!
Some Sundays all I need is about 20 minutes. Other Sundays I’m dead to the world for a couple of hours.
Naps are gifts from God! Rest is undervalued by our culture. Some people rest at the wrong times…like at their place of employment, so they can be rested to be active after work. Some people treat rest like it’s poison ivy. Keep it away!
I don’t know if it’s my profession or my age…or both…but I am extremely thankful God created a Sunday afternoon 2 P.M. I was I still subject to parental discipline I might act out around that time so I could be disciplined with a time-out in my room.
We live in a tired world. A healthy life is like a swinging pendulum that goes back and forth between work and rest, or work and play. That’s right, play can be restful. One thing that my grandkids do is say to me “Granddad, tell us a story…using our feet!” They plop their two pairs of feet across my lap and giggle with glee as I make up a story that uses their toes as props. Those moments of storied play bring a chuckle to my spirit when I’m dealing with stress.
Restful play and playful rest. Very few people get to the end of a week and wish they could have worked more, but a lot of tired folk get to the end of a week and wish they could have relaxed more.
I’ve decided that Sunday afternoon naps are so good I usually do a sequel on Monday. Not as long, but re-energizing. I used to feel guilty about that. Not any more! Pardon the pun, but I’ve given the guilt a rest!
Categories: children, Christianity, Community, Freedom, Parenting, Pastor, Story, The Church, Uncategorized, Youth
Tags: all work and no play, Job, napping, naps, playful rest, rest, restful play, storytelling, Sunday afternoon nap, thankful, Work, working
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June 10, 2015
WORDS FROM W.W. June 10, 2015
I wrote recently about a young lady who I had coached basketball for three years in high school passing away at the age of twenty.
Ever since hearing of her death I’ve been haunted…that’s the best word I can come up with…haunted by the absence of a word!
“A word” is not necessarily meant to be a literal term. It could be a few words… or one comment… or one encouragement…or one probing question. Just one thing that might have helped her define her life direction, her purpose, the potential of her vibrant spirit.
There have been other people who I’ve said things to, though unaware of it at the time, who have come back to me later and told me the effect of my words. I’ve written things that touched people in profound ways that I had no clue about.
And so it haunts me to know that this young woman could not latch on to something that I taught her, or I could not find that one word to guide her, years later, through rough waters.
Knowing the ache in my heart, I can’t imagine the aching fatigue in the lives of her family members.
One word! I think back over my life and the “one words” that have helped me get on track. My Uncle George taking me into the bedroom of my grandparents’ house in Oil Springs, Kentucky and giving me his “one word” after I came home from my first quarter of college with a GPA of “.533!” That’s right…the decimal point is to the left of the first number greater than “0”!
I remember Jerry Heslinga, our associate pastor at First Baptist Church in Ironton, Ohio giving me his “one word” that helped me stay the course in seminary.
I’m thankful for the “one word” that Gene Gilbert has for me on Sunday mornings when he lays a hand on my shoulder before worship and says a prayer for me.
And the “one word” that Rev. Chuck Landon imparted to me as I was floundering in the pool of pastoring. His “one word” was like a lifeline that kept me afloat.
I think of the “one word” of my coaching mentor, Don Fackler. Every time I hear, or say, “discombobulated” …which, believe it or not, is quite often, I see his bespectacled face.
And I think of my closest friend in ministry, Tom Bayes, and the defining conversations we would have. Sometimes I would be in the depths of despair and Tom would lift my spirits, and at other times when I had whacky thoughts he would ask a question to help me right the ship.
“One word” people have been instrumental in my life.
That knowledge makes it that much more difficult for me to know that I didn’t have that “one word” for this lady. In times like these I’m not sure there is a silver lining. Perhaps it will cause me to be more mindful of what I say and don’t say. Perhaps I’ll treasure the relationships I have even more.
The ache in my spirit has not lessened since last Friday. Perhaps that’s a good thing!
Categories: children, Christianity, Community, Death, Faith, Grace, Jesus, love, Parenting, Pastor, Prayer, Story, The Church, Uncategorized, Youth
Tags: aching, coping, dying, Encouragement, encouraging words, grief, grieving, guiding, heartache, help, helping, loss, pain, painful
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June 8, 2015
WORDS FROM W.W. June 8, 2015
I’ve recently written quite a bit about loss…losing people close to me who have gone on to glory. Believe me! I don’t want to write about the process of grieving for the rest of my life, but I had two experiences yesterday that have profoundly affected me.
It began with “the missing!” A dear man and his wife, 94 and 91 in age, were missing from their usual spots in worship yesterday morning. Rex helps take the offering each Sunday morning and always squeezes my finger when I put my offering envelope in the plate. He looks at me and says “I’m praying for you”, and then he gives me a wink. It’s an important moment of the morning for me…but he wasn’t there.
He’s been battling a form of cancer, running a race against old age…and the age is catching up to him. He is a dear committed man of God and serving husband to his wife, Ann.
I called him Sunday afternoon and asked if I could bring our group of young men by to pray with him and his wife, Ann, that evening.
“Well…that would be great, Pastor Bill! Yes…I think that would be all right!”
So we went, six of us, spent time with them, heard about his “miracle malts” that his granddaughter was bringing to him that seemed to make him feel better, and then we stood with them in a circle and prayed.
Each one of us felt a bit of heartache knowing that this couple were in the midst of daily struggles to just keep going. The weariness of their bodies was now dictating what could be done and what had to be surrendered. Things that we took for granted were now only maybes for the two of them.
But we were also blessed by simply being with them, holding hands with them and praying, listening to their stories told with wit and humor. They were so thankful that we had come, but we were even more thankful that we had been there.
After we prayed and hugged on them for a while we got in our vehicles and headed down the street to the ice cream place, BJ’s Velvet Freeze, and we all ordered malts!
Right before I had gone to be blessed by this pair of ninety somethings I became aware of another kind of heartache. I young lady I had coached for three years in basketball died. Twenty years old, full of potential and primed for life…suddenly gone. I was numbed by the news. On the wall behind me in my study is a team picture from her freshman year where she is standing just behind my right shoulder, in the midst of her teammates, looking happy and almost giggly. That was one of the sweetest, most fun groups of girls I’ve ever coached. They finished 13-5 and beat an undefeated Doherty team in the last game of the regular season…a group of Doherty girls that had not lost since they started playing together in 6th grade.
And this young lady was a vital part of the team, but more than that, she was just a delight to coach that year.
And now her light had faded out!
That same sense of heartache that I experienced as I sat with Rex and Ann I also experienced as I processed the news of the death of this young woman, but this time it was tagged together with helplessness. I wished I could have said something to her to change the course of her ship, to let the wind be in her sails again. I wish I could go back to her freshman year and be blessed once again by the giggling and the solidity of those relationships amongst teammates. I wish I could rewind and know that I could say one thing that I hadn’t said before that would result in June 5, 2015 being different…being a day of celebration and fulfilled promise instead of grief and deep, deep sorrow!
A strange day of lives that have been long, purposeful, and fulfilling…and a life that had barely started…and I can’t stop thinking about it!
Categories: children, Christianity, Community, Death, Faith, Freedom, Grace, Humor, Jesus, love, marriage, Parenting, Pastor, Story, Teamwork, The Church, Uncategorized, Youth
Tags: age, basketball coach, being blessed, blessed, coaching, coping, grief, grieving, heartache, helpless, loss, malts, ninety year olds, Old age, praying, sudden death
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June 7, 2015
WORDS FROM W.W. June 6, 2015
A few weeks ago (April 22), I wrote a blog post about a special lady, Ruth Kennedy, who was celebrating her 96th birthday. That post was entitled “The Saints Who Go Before Us”. Ruth Kennedy passed away yesterday.
One granddaughter posted a few pictures on Facebook of some of Ruth’s final days with family. I got somewhat emotional looking at them as I remembered what a great lady she had been during my growing up years.
My life recently has been crocheted with loss. My Aunt Cynthia passed away about three of weeks ago. She would have been 93 on May 22. “Aunt Cynthy” always made me smile, especially as she handed me a rolled-up five dollar bill and told me not to tell anyone. She had a down-home wit and humor about her that I will always remember. Visits to her house were punctuated by eating! A few years ago she looked at me and said, “Billy Dean, you’re looking (pause)…a little manly!” That was Aunt Cynthia’s way of saying I had put some weight on. I think she offered me a piece of apple pie and ice cream right after that!
This past week my dad has been in the hospital back in Huntington, West Virginia. Being in Colorado is hard during these times. Writing about Dad, Aunt Cynthy, and Ruth Kennedy are a way that I cope with loss and absence.
It’s how I deal with having to say goodbye to some good friends over the years as well. Most are still on this side of glory, but separated from me by distance and schedules.
We lose people in different ways throughout the journey. Hopefully it causes us to value each relationship…each conversation…each piece of pie lovingly cut…each moment shared even more.
Aunt Cynthy and Ruth Kennedy have passed on to their eternal rewards, experiences of a precision choir of hallelujah praises. My Dad, closing in on 87, isn’t far behind. I’ve been blessed by all. May I be a blessing to just as many!
Categories: children, Christianity, Community, Death, Faith, love, Parenting, Pastor, Prayer, Story, The Church, Uncategorized, Youth
Tags: Aunt Cynthia, aunts, aunts and uncles, blessed, family, impactful people, Ruth Kennedy, Saints. manly looking, uncles
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Words from WW Blog 