Coaching ‘Likes’ and One-Liners
WORDS FROM W.W. January 6, 2018
I pushed the door to the locker room open. My Junior Varsity basketball team had ended the first half with several critical mistakes and our 11 point lead had been cut to 3. I was not happy and I let them know about it.
And the “like” comment just flowed out unrehearsed.
“Our cuts to the basket on offense…it’s like watching a geriatric ward playing basketball! (I’m sure some of my players didn’t know what “geriatric” meant, but, oh well!) I’m about to fall asleep on the bench, they’re so slow!” The varsity coach was in the room and he told me afterwards that he had to stifle himself from having a laughing fit . We went on to lose the game in triple overtime, so far our only loss of the season!
My coaching gets peppered- seasoned, if you will- with one-liners and “like” comparisons. Most come from somewhere in the back of my brain and squeeze themselves into my speech. Some come from Don Fackler, who was my coaching mentor.
Coach Fackler: Lauren, you owe me five dollars!
Lauren: Why, Coach?
Coach Fackler: After you threw the inbounds pass you stood there. You owe me five dollars for the popcorn!
I’ve used that one with the boys a couple of times.
My players aren’t sure what to expect next. Sometimes I get things confused. Last week in practice two players weren’t executing a sideline screen well so here it came from my lips…a little distorted.
“You look like two ducks passing in the night!”
“Coach, do you mean ships?”
“Whatever…ships, ducks…I don’t care! Just do it right!”
At our last practice I didn’t like the slowness of play. “Listen! This is like watching a bunch of people at Cracker Barrel sitting in those rocking chairs out front. Mammy and Pappy just rocking back and forth. So pick it up!”
And also last week. “Why did you throw it to him in the corner?”
“Coach, he was open!”
“So’s your mom in the bleachers, but you don’t throw it to her, do you?”
“No, Coach.”
“Where do we begin our offense? In the corner?”
“No, Coach.”
And to a freshman who is right-hand dominant.
“I saw you holding hands with your girlfriend after the last game, and it was your left hand.”
Turning red. “Yes, Coach!”
“You saving your left hand for her, because you don’t seem to use it during the game?”
And still another. “You boys are so right-handed I swear the court is starting to tip to the right!”
I just can’t help it. They just come out! Last game we had two free throw points taken away because the shooters stepped on the foul line after they shot. “Listen to me! They don’t care if you step on the line in the YMCA Kindergarten League, but they do in high school basketball.”
And another!
“Hey! Bobby, you need to guard him on defense so close that you can tell me what kind of deodorant he uses…if he uses any!”
And!
“Hey, Bobby! Did you get his number?”:
“What, Coach?”
“Did you get his license plate number when he blew past you on offense last time?”
Don’t get me wrong! I love my players! I enjoy every day, practice, or game I have with them. And I know they love me! And they’re never sure what I’ll say next!
High school basketball is a long season. From the first day of tryouts to the last game of the season covers about 16 weeks. It’s a journey where the coach spends a lot of time with his boys. Humor and sarcasm become fuel for the journey.
It’s like…
Explore posts in the same categories: children, coaching, Grace, Humor, love, Story, Teamwork, Uncategorized, YouthTags: analogies, Basketball, basketball coach, basketball coaching, basketball players, basketball team, coaching, coaching basketball, coaching style, geriatric, Junior Varsity, one-liners
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