The ‘What Ifs’ of Sixth Graders
WORDS FROM W.W. September 8, 2018
Squirrels were named after sixth graders! When you’re around sixth graders for very long you just automatically blurt it out. “You’re squirrelly!” And then someone saw a furry looking hyperactive, confused critter climbing the tree in their front yard and he said, “Wow! I’m not sure what that thing is but it’s as squirrelly as a sixth grader so I’m going to call it a squirrel!”
Okay! It probably didn’t happen that way, but it’s a good story, and if you’ve been around sixth graders for very long you understand how plausible the story sounds.
Yesterday I was teaching sixth grade physical education. It’s kind of like filling thirty balloons with air and letting them go all at the same time.
We were teaching the students a new game, which was not complicated to understand. It involved trying to get all of the people on one team to the other end of the field without having the flags they wore around their waists pulled by someone from the other team.
Simple, right?
The other teacher I was partnered with that day explained the game thoroughly and then said the words that she wished she could take back, the words that cause body tremors and sweating.
“Are there any questions?” Hands shot up in the air like 4th of July bottle rockets.
“What if…someone doesn’t mean to fall, but he does? Does that mean he’s frozen until he gets freed by one of his teammates?”
“Yes.”
A future lawyer. “What if…the person who falls has been tripped, pushed, or in a collision that results in his tumble? Would he be held liable for the consequences of the action, or would you take into consideration extenuating circumstances…AND, is there an appeal process in place for the defendant?”
My teaching colleague has a blank stare for a moment. “We will consider each action individually.” The student starts to ask a followup question, but my colleague ignores her and looks at the body attached to another raised hand.
“What if…I’m running down the field and my flag falls off just because? Can I just put it back on? You know…like the wind just blows it off of me, because that wouldn’t be fair!”
“If your flag falls off because of the wind or as the result of some other act of nature you can put it back on and resume the game.”
The future attorney is raising her hand and waving it wildly as she considers her case before the Court of Sixth Grade PE Appeals. The teacher contines to ignore her, and turns her attention to a squirrel sitting on the top row of the bleachers.
“What if…someone calls my name and when I look to see who said my name a different person from the other team runs by and pulls my flag off?”
“Then you are frozen until a teammate frees you.”
“Ahhh!” he responds with a look of agony.
Redheaded girl with a bored look wishing she was in math class. “Do we have to play?”
“Yes.”
Blonde boy who has a tendency to want to always say things that makes his other squirrelly classmates giggle. “What if…someone’s shorts rip right down the middle and their underwear is showing?” Giggles from the gathered.
“If that happens they will be out for the rest of the game.”
“That’s not fair!”
“By the time they go back inside, change shorts, and come back out again, our class period will be over.”
Future prosecutor’s hand going berserk.
“Is this question relevant?”
“Yes, absolutely!”
“Okay! Last question because we aren’t going to have that much time to actually play the game.”
“I’m not throwing any accusations or inferring that a certain person, who will remain anonymous, would do this, BUT…what if someone from the other team made some offensive remarks about another person in the course of game play? Would that be grounds for, so to speak, legal action?”
My colleague looks at her with a facial expression that communicates “No comment!’
“Okay! Mr. Wolfe’s class is red and my class is yellow! Let’s play!”
And the squirrels rush the field to play the game for the one reason we’ve planned it for. That they will run around like crazy for the next fifteen minutes!
Explore posts in the same categories: children, coaching, Freedom, Humor, Parenting, Story, Teamwork, Uncategorized, YouthTags: middle school, middle school physical education, middle schoolers, Physical Education Class, sixth grade, sixth grade students, sixth graders, squirrels
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