“Corporate Church”

As I was watching the Rockies play the Phillies on Monday night at Coors Field, which is not too far from the Pepsi Center, I realized that a Rockies win would take the series back to Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia for a game five, a city that also includes Lincoln Financial Field, home of the Philadelphia Eagles.

Come to think of it, the previous weekend when Carol and I went to our daughter’s homecoming at University of Sioux Falls we were reminded every time that the USF football team got a first down (which was often in their 64-0 victory) that the first down was brought to us by “First Premier Bank,” even though the tailback was the one who churned out the yardage. We watched many an extra point conversion kick glance off the end zone scoreboard that was sponsored by Sanford Medical Center.

It got me thinking!

Church budget deficits could be easily erased if we thought creatively about bringing in corporate sponsors. My mind is going crazy thinking of the possibilities.

• Not just a church work day, but a “Home Depot Clear Out the Dirt Day.”
• Not just singing a couple of hymns, but let’s do a “Harmony Bowling Lanes Hymn-fest.”
• Get over the potlucks. Rename it “Country Buffet at the Baptist Church Sunday.”
• Don’t call it the sermon. Liven it up with “Today’s message sponsored by Pizza Hut, now serving hot wings!” Or, perhaps better yet, how about “This week’s sermon sponsored by No-Dos.”
• Not Sunday bulletins! It could be the “FedEx Delivers On-Time Anywhere Programs.”
• The Praise Team could get shirts with a dog and cat logo and become the PetsMart Praise Team.
• A Christmas children’s program could be the Crimestopper’s Christmas. Extravaganza . . . okay, that one might not fly.
• Church tours for first-time guests might include the Mrs. Field’s Fellowship Hall, American Eagle College and Career Classroom, Babies-R-Us Nursery, and the Amazon.com Memorial Library complete with Blockbuster Family DVD Section.
• What about business sponsor signs on each parking space? Closer to the entrance, the higher the corporate donation!
• Perhaps we should investigate corporate stained glass windows. Golden arches in glass might bring a hefty contribution. Considering that the Sunday morning service is right before lunch, subliminal stained glass messages might have restaurants lined up. Taco Bell right beside Texas Roadhouse, and Red Lobster looking pretty tempting in the window beside the red-headed girl from Wendy’s.
• Safeway could be the sponsor of the sidewalks leading to the main entrance.
• How about the Pontiac Prayer Room?
• Band-Aid Summer Day Camp has a nice ring, and reality, to it.
• Sierra Springs Water Fountain?
• “Today’s baptism is sponsored by Hot Springs Spa!”
• Use “PowerAde” cups for communion.
• Using our visual technology for the screen in the sanctuary, we could rotate sponsor screens every time we have a different element of the worship service take place . . . kind of like what they do behind home plate at most major league baseball parks.
• How about Starbucks being the corporate sponsor of the youth lock-in?
• “Buffalo Wild Wings” single adults’ weekend retreat has a special flavor to it.
• Benadryl could kick in for the church hay ride.

Why didn’t we think of this sooner? We wouldn’t have to worry about the year-end deficit if we got on “Target” sooner. Pull in “Penney’s” now and we wouldn’t have to fret over the dollars later.

Just a few things to chew on! And, in case you’re wondering, I’m not being “Sirius”!

Pastor Bill

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